The Faith That Looks Through Death
by Yuuki Miyaka
Summary: The first story in the Alliance of Hope saga. When Odo and Jadzia somehow end up in the future, they face choices that they'd never expected.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:**

The characters of Jadzia Dax, Odo, Kira Nerys, Benjamin Sisko, Jake Sisko, Nog, and Quark, not to mention the space station Deep Space Nine are not mine, as much as I'd like them to be. Legally they belong to Paramount. The characters you don't recognize are mine, however. Hahahahaha, finally, all mine. Oh, sorry.

**Author's notes:**

This story came about from a roundtable story done between my best friend Kira and I. I really hope you enjoy it. I'd rate it PG because it does have some adult content in it, although it is tastefully done, much like the true series. The story is set somewhere in the fourth season, with fourth season spoilers. So if you haven't seen the fourth season eps. you better watch out. And not all of the fourth season is included, for those of you who want purity. 

The title comes from Ode to Intimations of Immortality from Early Recollections of Childhood, by Wordsworth. I hope you'll be able to see how it fits in with the plot. Enjoy the story, and email me if you have any comments, flames, etc. My address is [miyaka@gto.net][1]. 

**Dedication:**

I'd like to dedicate this story to my friend Kira, without whom the Eysu Moraht would never have existed, and to all of my prereaders, without whom the story would not have existed. I'd also like to dedicate it to Eloise and Jimmy Hill, two people now gone but whom the world will always treasure.

* * *

STAR TREK: DEEP SPACE NINE  
The Faith That Looks Through Death  
by Yuuki Miyaka  
Chapter 1

Jadzia Dax's eyes sparkled as she entered the coordinates for Deep Space Nine. She glanced over at her companion, who looked back in curiosity. "Yes, Odo?" Dax asked, seeing his interest.

"What happened to your admirer, Commander? I was under the impression that he was planning to accompany you back to Deep Space Nine." Dax grinned, letting Odo see her amusement.

"He didn't understand Trills or Symbionts. In fact, he suggested I get surgery. Even Julian knows enough to look up women he's interested in before chasing them. And in all fairness, he wasn't as bright as some of the men I've attracted in the past."

Odo grunted his reply, letting his mind wander back to the last time he had visited Prophet's Landing. His companion then had been Major Kira Nerys, and he had felt more than a little left out.

He and Dax flew in silence as he sorted out the memories. Even now, he could picture everything with alarming accuracy. His eyes shut, then unformed, and those fateful words found him again.

"I'm in love with you!" The words clawed their way free of the murky depth of his pain. "She will never love you, you know." In a supreme effort to remain in control, he unformed, then reformed his entire face before glancing at Dax. She had remained serene, and only nodded her head at him.

A voice disturbed his thoughts. "Odo, I'm picking up some gravimetric disturbance off the port bow. What are you reading?" Odo looked over at his viewscreen, but before he could answer her, she spoke again. "The signature reads almost like the Wormhole."

"What are you talking about, Commander? We're too far away for it to be the Wormhole." But Dax shook her head. 

"It's a wormhole, all right. And its signature matches ours. Have we run across anything like this before?" Once again Odo was interrupted as he prepared to answer Dax, but this time, by the wormhole itself, which opened up and sucked them away.

***

"Jake!" Jake Sisko looked up from the text he was reading and saw a young Bajoran woman. Myran Arys, his mind supplied. His class at StarFleet Academy had all sorts, he thought to himself with a smile. Especially with Nog here, now. "Jake, can we talk?" He nodded slowly, and she sighed.

"Look, the professor said that you and I were supposed to work together, but I had already planned to work with Katassa. She's my roommate. Anyway, she suggested I invite you to work with us. She's going to do the same with her partner, but she's assigned to that Cardassian. I don't know how I'm going to work with him." The woman's tight voice convinced him that she needed someone there to be a buffer between herself and her hatred against the Cardassians.

"I was planning to work with Nog. He's that Ferengi over there. I noticed that he hadn't been assigned anyone, and I thought that he might need someone. What do you say to all of us working together? That way, I can keep you from murdering the Cardassian, and Nog can learn how to behave when a lady is present." Jake grinned slowly, and eventually Arys did likewise. She nodded and left, and Jake closed his eyes. 

When he opened them, he was staring into the darkness of his room. He lay there for half an hour before he made his decision. "Computer, locate any files containing the Bajoran name Myran Arys."

"There is no Myran Arys currently listed in any of the station files."

***

Jake paced in his room, swearing angrily and creatively at the computer. Benjamin Sisko walked into his quarters, and his eyes widened in amusement. "I thought you were working on one of your stories. Is this supposed to be a scene from it?"

Jake flushed, looking at his father in guilt. "Uh, no. I was just trying to research some connections for a story. I was looking up Bajoran resistance cells." He shrugged lightly, trying to convince his father that he was hiding nothing. Sisko turned to head for the kitchen, more than ready to make their dinner before he got back to his work with assignments for the station personnel.

"Dad?" The captain turned back, looking at his son in askance. "Do you know of any Bajorans named Myran Arys?" Benjamin shook his head, and his son sighed.

***

"Where are we?" Odo grumbled as he stared at the stars outside the small runabout. There was nothing familiar about them, but the giant ship in the center did have a familiar feel, though he could not identify the make of the ship.

"Uh, Odo?" Dax asked softly. "According to our sensors, we aren't in any of the known sectors of space." Her eyes widened. "It says we may even be as far out as the Delta Quadrant. I can't be certain."

"Better check those readings again, Commander. That's not possible." Odo's icy eyes darted to the stars before him. This place was so far removed from any he had ever seen that he felt excited, liberated. For some reason, only the serene presence of Dax was keeping him in check.

"Odo, we're being hailed. Putting it onscreen." The view of the stars was replaced with the image of a male Cardassian. Odo couldn't place the Cardassian, but the constable noted that he was wearing a uniform very similar, although not an exact match, to that of a StarFleet admiral. Odo could see into the ship behind him, and noted an eclectic mix of other races.

"This is Admiral Ari Dukat of the EMS D'harincoort. Your ship seems to have sustained minimal damage. May we offer our assistance?" Both officer's eyes widened at the generosity, but the Cardassian continued in a thunderstruck voice before they could reply.

"Prophets! This seems to be worse than I had expected. Dax? Odo?" The two nodded warily, unsure of what to do. "Please, come aboard. You may dock in port twelve. I will see to your comfort myself."

Odo put the communication on mute and turned to his companion. "Dax, what do you think?" The science officer's answer surprised him.

"For some reason, I think we should believe him. It's a gut reaction, but it's something that I think we need to do if we are going to get any answers from him." Odo nodded, then took off the mute.

The science officer spoke again. "Thank you for your offer, Admiral. I think we will take you up on it. Dax out."

***

Having finally arrived in the appropriate docking port, Dax and Odo stepped out of the runabout to be greeted by the Admiral himself. The three stared at each other for a long time before any spoke. In the end, it was Dukat who broke the silence.

"Jadzia, Odo, is that really you?" The whisper was almost tremulous, and Odo got the feeling that they had been thrust into a mystery with no idea of what to search for. Suddenly, there was a faint rock to the ship, and Odo glanced sharply at the Admiral, who grinned.

"That will be Jake and Arys, if I'm correct. Please, follow me." Odo and Dax shrugged, and did as Dukat asked. Once on the Bridge, they were greeted with officers of every alien race they had ever known, and some they hadn't.

"Onscreen." Dukat requested, and a ship even more massive than the D'harincoort was displayed. "Hail them. And ensign?" The officer looked up. "Append a special congratulations to that message." The ensign nodded, rapidly tapping out the commands at her terminal. "Marriage is a wonderful institution," Dukat muttered, a sad tone underlying the happiness he spoke with.

***

"I never thought I would say this, but I guess all Cardassians aren't bad. Some of them might even be okay." Arys grinned at the Cardassian sitting across from her, who stuck his tongue out at her in turn. "Sorry I doubted you, Ari." It was tough for Arys to admit that, Jake knew, but he also knew that the Cardassian, (Ari Dukat, he knew) of all of them, had the most reason to have to earn respect. Dukat grinned softly.

"It's okay, Arys. I knew it was going to be a tough ride. So what's our next assignment?"

"Something to do with tribbles, from what I hear. Maybe find a way to stop them from breeding so rapidly." Katassa's eyes glittered in amusement at that, and Jake laughed. The medical student was rarely serious about anything, they had all discovered, a fact which obviously delighted the too-serious Ari. Jake wondered whether either of them would ever pick up on that fact.

Sighing, Jake leaned back in his chair, listening to the four others chatter about the next project, and the teacher they all hated. His smile grew as Nog complained about being the only one who had to work at making friends, and Arys' sharp retort to that, then faded as Arys commented on the professor's conduct. 

"I don't know if we should wear our most form-fitting uniforms and get the best grades in class, Katassa, or if we should call him out on it." For some reason, Jake hated the idea that the professor was eyeing the two women in his "group." Jake blinked, and found himself staring at the ceiling of his room.

"Computer, state the time." Jake swung his legs over the side of the bed, wondering how long his nap had lasted. It felt as though hours had passed.

"Sixteen hours twenty seven." Five minutes at best. Jake sighed.

"Is it possible to send a message to Gul Dukat?" Jake muttered the question, not really expecting an answer. But the computer took him literally, answering with its usual promptness.

"A message may be sent to Gul Dukat via subspace."

***

"Is that Jake Sisko?" Odo asked incredulously, staring at the D'harincoort's main viewscreen. Odo turned to look at Dax, who shrugged.

"I don't know what to think, Odo." The three turned back to the viewscreen, where they could see a slightly older version of the boy they knew. Jake looked to be about thirty, as did the woman beside him. And when Jake saw the two officers, his eyes grew large, and he grinned. The woman he was with did likewise.

"Odo? Dax? Ari, is that really them?" Jake was grinning now with unparalleled delight. The Cardassian admiral grinned in return and nodded. "I'm coming over with Arys now." And with only that warning, Jake Sisko beamed to the Bridge of the ship. He materialized in front of the admiral, extending his hand to shake Ari's. Without hesitation, Ari did likewise, grasping Jake's arm in a brotherly embrace. Then, Odo and Dax saw the one vision they never expected. Arys approached Ari and was engulfed in his arms. She returned the hug vigorously, then turned to Dax and Odo and welcomed them to the D'harincoort.

"Do you think that I can't even welcome my own guests?" Ari demanded quietly.

"No," came the impudent answer. "I just think I do it much better. That's all. You got a problem, Ari?" Arys smiled at her friend, and Odo could see that they were involved in a long-standing debate. Without smiling, the Changeling turned to Jake.

"What is going on here? Have Dax and I been swept into another temporal anomaly?" Odo's angry tone didn't even faze the officers in front of them. Dax nodded her head, but Jake only shrugged.

"It will be some time before we can say for certain, but I think somehow the SubGate locked onto your runabout and brought you here. There may be a purpose involved, but unless you want to be the first ambassador to your people, Odo, I don't think that's the answer." Jake turned to Arys. "I think we're going to have to cut the honeymoon short. I have a feeling," he continued, addressing the group this time, "that there is more to this incident than meets the eye. Especially since I've been having some pretty strange dreams. Odo, Dax, if you have any more questions, I suggest that we retire to the Officer's Lounge to discuss them. It's a lot more comfortable, and that way you can eat. I don't know about you, but I'm starving."

"You just love long speeches, don't you, Jake? I swear, you're infatuated with the sound of your own voice." Jake's eyes flashed, but Arys smiled innocently. "How else would you explain it?" Jake sighed, and the five headed toward the Officer's Lounge when a communication came for the admiral. All three of Odo's companions lifted their heads, but it was Ari who answered.

"Yes?"

"The EMS Marowen has just approached, Admiral, and the commander is asking to speak to you."

"I'll take it in the Officer's Lounge." Ari sighed and shook his head. "Two weeks I'm gone from the shipyards and there have already been three crises that I've heard of. I wonder if this is going to be another one." They arrived in the Lounge some three minutes later, and Ari immediately approached the viewscreen. A Bajoran woman appeared on the screen, and the three from that time period gasped.

***

Jake stared at the station around him. It was his home, but there were differences. Nog and Arys both walked beside him, chattering excitedly. Nog had decided that the three of them were going to go exploring for a while, when all Jake really wanted to do was go to Quark's and see if Morn was still in his spot. Jake let his mind wander, allowing it to drift throughout the Promenade into Ops. Eventually, he came back to himself, just in time to hear Arys say, "That's Garak's? Hmmm. I'll have to check it out later. I don't suppose he's anything like Ari, is he?" The other two shook their heads, leaving Arys wondering. Jake, meanwhile, had plans of his own to follow through with.

Time seemed to jump forward, leaving him with memories of what had not passed. He walked into Garak's only minutes behind Arys' departure, knowing that his Bajoran friend had been there before him. And Garak greeted him with a smile. He had to wonder just how many lies the tailor had told in Jake's year-long absence. But that was not important at the moment. He stared at all the fine dresses before walking to the Cardassian himself.

"Garak, I want you to make a dress for someone. She has to be the most beautiful woman in the dance. Can you do it?" Garak nodded knowingly.

"Your friend was already in here asking for the same service. I've already gotten the girl's measurements and your friend picked out the cloth herself." Jake shook his head.

"Arys was talking about a friend from school. I meant Arys herself. I don't care how you do it, but I need the dress before I leave for school. After that, I don't care. Arys told me that one of the reasons she wasn't going to the dance was because she didn't have anything good to wear. I want her to go. Okay?" Jake's earnest expression surprised Garak, who kept his suspicions to himself. He set to work on the girl's dress that night, and Jake left the shop looking for Arys.

When he found her, Arys was staring out at Bajor, looking a little sad. Jake came up, curious as to what was affecting her so badly. She waited only a short time before confiding in him. "Bajor looks so beautiful from up here. You almost wouldn't believe how horrible it is down there. I keep remembering back when I was in the Paq resistance. We used to find these children who had lost their families. It was awful, Jake. You don't know how tightly I held onto my family name. Even after I was orphaned, I wouldn't let anyone know my name. I was afraid that if I let someone else hear my name, I would lose it. And I couldn't let that happen. It was the only thing that made living on Bajor bearable."

Jake listened to her monologue. He knew that she needed to talk about it. He had been her friend for a year now, and the two of them seemed as close as he and Nog did. When she trailed off, he grabbed her hand, pulling her to Quark's where he secured a holosuite. He programmed it quickly, using a program that his father had put into the directory three years earlier. When the two stepped into the holosuite, it was a beautiful green garden. "Oh, Jake," Arys whispered. "What is this place? I've never seen anywhere so beautiful." Jake nodded slowly.

"That's a garden on Earth. My father visited there once, and made the program from memory. I thought it might take your mind off Bajor. C'mon. I'll show you around."

Jake opened his eyes to see his darkened room. He sighed, certain now that he was living a double life. And he couldn't blame himself. He had only recently become interested in girls again; after Marta had left, he had wondered if he would ever love again. But that had been an infatuation. This, he felt within him, was real. "Computer, access files on the Paq resistance cell." The computer chirped at him, as usual, and he decided he would have to go to Dukat for the answers.

***

"So anyway, Dukat, I was wondering if you had any information about a Paq resistance cell?" Gul Dukat sighed expressively.

"Jake Sisko, don't you have anything better to do than chase ghosts? So like your father. Well, I don't see any point in hiding anything. It's all common knowledge by now anyway. The Paq resistance cell was destroyed in Gallitep. It happened about three months before the Shakaar cell liberated the camp. Anything else?" Dukat looked harried, and Jake decided to ask his other question now, rather than waiting for the next time he tried to contact Dukat. The way this audience was going, there would not be a next time.

"I was wondering if you had a son named Ari Dukat." Jake muttered this last request. It was going to be next to impossible to get in contact with Ari if he had nothing to do with Dukat. But to his surprise, Dukat only looked sad.

"I did. He died in an interrogation by the Obsidian Order. They wanted to know why he was so interested in the Federation. Take that back to your father!" And Dukat closed the channel. But before he did, Jake could have sworn that he saw tears in the Gul's eyes. Tears for a lost son, who had died as a result of the interest he was showing in Jake's dreams. Jake began to wonder just how fantastical these dreams really were.

"Okay," Jake said to himself. "I can't contact Arys. She was killed in a raid on Gallitep. I can't contact Ari. He died in a questioning. Who does that leave? Katassa. Right. Now, all I have to do is figure out who Katassa is, and find her family. With my luck, she's already dead."

   [1]: mailto:miyaka@gto.net



	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:**

The characters of Jadzia Dax, Odo, Kira Nerys, Benjamin Sisko, Jake Sisko, Nog, and Quark, not to mention the space station Deep Space Nine are not mine, as much as I'd like them to be. Legally they belong to Paramount. The characters you don't recognize are mine, however. Hahahahaha, finally, all mine. Oh, sorry.

**Author's notes:**

This story came about from a roundtable story done between my best friend Kira and I. I really hope you enjoy it. I'd rate it PG because it does have some adult content in it, although it is tastefully done, much like the true series. The story is set somewhere in the fourth season, with fourth season spoilers. So if you haven't seen the fourth season eps. you better watch out. And not all of the fourth season is included, for those of you who want purity. 

The title comes from Ode to Intimations of Immortality from Early Recollections of Childhood, by Wordsworth. I hope you'll be able to see how it fits in with the plot. Enjoy the story, and email me if you have any comments, flames, etc. My address is [miyaka@gto.net][1]. 

**Dedication:**

I'd like to dedicate this story to my friend Kira, without whom the Eysu Moraht would never have existed, and to all of my prereaders, without whom the story would not have existed. I'd also like to dedicate it to Eloise and Jimmy Hill, two people now gone but whom the world will always treasure.

* * *

STAR TREK: DEEP SPACE NINE  
The Faith That Looks Through Death  
by Yuuki Miyaka  


Chapter 2

"And since I was going to be in the area, I thought I might surprise you. I see that you have . . . guests?" The Bajoran's eyes opened wide, a situation that Odo and Dax were used to by now. She smiled and spoke calmly, though. "Odo? Dax? It's good to see you again. How did this happen?" The two shook their heads, and Ari spoke up. 

"We think it has something to do with the SubGate, Katassa. But we can't be certain until a few more tests have been run. Jake's men and mine are both working on it. There's nothing else we can do, for now. Why don't you come aboard and greet our guests personally? For that matter, why don't you come aboard and greet the rest of us personally?" Katassa smiled at the last remark, a grin that seemed to encompass Ari and set him apart from the others.

"I think I will. Katassa out." Seconds passed, and she was standing in front of the group. The first person she went to was Ari, whom she hugged tightly. He held her with one arm while she said her hello's to everyone else, and Odo could see that they were a couple. Dax smiled at the sight, and even Odo felt a little better about talking to the Cardassian now. He was most likely a friend if both Jake and a Bajoran liked him. 

"So, I want to hear all about this. There are several problems on the homeworld now, and the crises in the shipyards. If you expect your leave, Jake, Arys, get out now. Otherwise, I'm going to draft you and let you wait until your first anniversary to enjoy the merits of marriage." Jake and Arys grinned at each other, and set about discussing the situation in front of everyone else.

"What do you think, Arys? Can we afford to take leave right now?" Arys shook her head, sighing expressively.

"Jake, we are two of the founders of the Eysu. We can't just leave knowing that things may not be worth returning to. I guess marriage will have to wait until Aurahj is stable and the shipyards are free of sabotage." Her last words made Ari look up.

"Sabotage? I thought it was just a run of bad luck. But if it is sabotage, can we figure out who the traitor is, and who they're reporting to?" Arys nodded.

"That was my job until yesterday. Don't worry, the Cardassians are questioning the prisoner. With luck, they will extract the information without having to resort to Obsidian Order tactics. In the meantime, I decided to take a break and join Jake. My ship rendezvoused with the Hallider about four hours ago." She turned to Dax and Odo, and shook her head. "I'm assuming that the SubGate went through some sort of temporal anomaly. That must be why you're here. Let me bring you up to date.

"Basically, the Eysu Moraht, or Alliance of Hope in Terran, was created by Nog, Ari, Jake, Katassa, and I. Katassa's people have given us invaluable help in starting it, and our flagship, the Kumsahmi, was recently put out of commission by the Founders about three months ago. Cardassia and what's left of Bajor have a peace treaty that has lasted twenty years with only good results. Most of the races in the Alpha Quadrant, with the exception of the Romulans and the Klingons, are part of the Eysu."

Odo and Dax nodded, trying to assimilate the information. But something took Odo off guard. "What do you mean 'what's left of Bajor?'"

"Bajor was in a civil war about twenty-one years ago. They ended up in two major factions, one under Kai Winn, and one under Shakaar. Shakaar's group won, but not before Winn had managed to destroy all life on the planet. What's left of the homeworld is a sphere incapable of holding life of any sort. What's more, those on the planet contracted a terminal disease. They spread it to many of those on the station before we found a way to counteract its effects. Only about two hundred Bajora are still alive, and they are living on Deep Space Nine, which has become the new homeworld. Cardassia offered its support in helping the survivors. We took them up on it, and they've done well by us." Arys smiled sadly. Both officers could see the effort it took to talk about this tragedy.

Odo's throat tightened. He stared at the Bajoran admiral in panic. "What about Kira? Is she still alive?" Katassa and Arys looked at each other.

"Yes. The problem is, you're not."

***

Jake glanced around at all the decorations and almost laughed. It was more than a little gaudy at this dance, and yet in a way, Jake felt at home here. He supposed that it was due to his spending so much time at Quark's. He grinned, looking at Katassa and Ari, who were dancing, and then turned to see how Nog was doing. The Ferengi had been spending most of the night with two of his new companions, but he had not forgotten about his old friends. From time to time, Nog would join the rest of them for a chat. Only Arys was still missing. Jake was beginning to get worried. He had given her the dress an hour and a half ago, and had seen nothing of her since. The only time he had tried to enter her room, he was nearly electrocuted by all of the different booby-traps she had put up to keep the others out.

Jake raked his hand through his hair, sighing in frustration. He couldn't understand women, he decided. Finally the song ended, and Ari, Katassa, and Nog joined him. The three were chattering excitedly while he listened. Suddenly, all talk in his group ceased. He looked over to see what had happened, only to see Arys standing in the doorway, wearing the dress he had commissioned from Garak. Her black hair was pulled up in a mass of curls, and around her throat was a ring of Bajoran fire crystals. Jake caught his breath as she joined them, but when he looking into her eyes, he could see that she had not changed. She was still the one he had teased earlier that day.

"Hi, guys." Her eyes twinkled, and she nodded to each of them. "I see I'm the last one to get here. What do you think? Was it worth the wait?" Jake stared at her, unable to take his eyes away. Arys' eyes glittered with her amusement. Ari moved to take her arm, but Arys turned to Jake questioningly. 

The two moved to the dance floor without a word spoken, and they danced just as silently. The dance lasted far too long for an ordinary song, but neither questioned it. When it was over, Jake and Arys left the auditorium. They walked along the near-silent garden, and Jake could tell he was waiting for something. But what he got was far from what he had expected.

"Jake," Arys said softly. "We have to talk. I've been wanting to tell you. I'm not going to return with the rest of you to the Academy." Jake stared at Arys in confusion, but she didn't meet his eyes. "Lieutenant Tuvok is going to recommend me to the Special Security Training Facility."

Jake knew all about the SSTF. Only the elite security students were invited to enter it, and it usually required an extra year of training. Many of the students had nicknamed it the "Barracks," but what was important to Jake was that forty percent of those who entered ended up unable to take the pressure, and left. No one could find them after they disappeared, but it was speculated that many joined the Maquis.

"I see." It was all Jake could say. Then, "have you told the others?" Arys shook her head and ran off. Jake closed his eyes in pain.

He was back in his room. But his pillow was wet with tears that he could not explain. Somewhere within him, he knew that she would make a good security officer, but he hated to see her leave the group. And the worst fact of all was the fact that none of it was real. It was all some sort of elaborate fantasy his mind had set up, though just why, he could not say.

He sat on the edge of his bed, his head hanging low, and he pondered all of the episodes which had occurred to work on his story, but after five minutes he threw the PADD down, and flung himself back onto the bed to stare hopelessly into space.

"What am I going to do?"

"We're not alive?" Dax asked that one, confused. Jake nodded and took over the explanation. 

"In this time period, you and Odo are both dead. Odo died as a result of Kai Winn's attempted invasion of Deep Space Nine, and you, Jadzia, are now a man named Lenzar who swore vengeance for the death of Jadzia and her husband Julian. I know that's kind of hard to understand, but there was no way to stop either of you from dying. Believe me, we tried." Jake looked distinctly unhappy, and Dax sat down, for once her placid calm interrupted. Odo, unsure of how she would react, placed a hand on her shoulder. Dax did nothing.

"Well," Odo said gruffly, trying himself to understand what Jake had told him. "I guess the only question now is, how are we going to get back to our time?" Jake shook his head, and stared off into the shadows. Finally, Katassa cleared her throat.

"We could ask the Aurahj scientists for help. I'm sure they could come up with something. But it may take some time. I suppose, in the interim, you should keep them aboard this ship, Ari." Ari shook his head.

"I can't, love. I'm supposed to be going to Deep Space Nine to help Kira with preparations for the latest exploration into the Gamma Quadrant." Katassa sighed.

"Maybe they can help. But there is nowhere else for them to go, and until we find a way back, we can't risk them ending up with enemies. You know as well as I do that these two are a prime concern for the moment." Katassa raised an eyebrow, and Ari sighed.

***

"I still can't believe that you convinced me to come here." Arys stared at Risa ruefully, and Jake grinned. "I don't _like_ places like this." 

"Well, you've found one way to have fun. I know that, Arys. Well, I'm gone. See you later." Jake ran off before she could convince him to let her leave. She definitely didn't belong, but how could she still be complaining after a week. Especially when she had found someone to keep her company. The worker stuck to her like glue, Jake noted with some annoyance.

Jake finally stopped running, a slight sheen of sweat coating his features. He turned around, and found Katassa staring at him. She looked worried, her delicate features tense with concern. "What is it, Katassa?" The Bajoran stood up a little straighter, almost as though she were reporting to him. Jake hid a smile.

"It's the Barracks, Jake. I was working with Marcus, and I managed to break into the main computer." Marcus had found Katassa her first day into the visit, and had been a constant companion ever since. It was ironic that he also loved hacking into other computers. "Jake, we have a problem."

Jake heard the panic in her voice, and swallowed. "What is it, Katassa?" Katassa nodded, but Jake could see there was more to what she had to say than just a report Arys. He straightened his shoulders, presenting the image of a commanding officer, and she responded in kind, seeming to draw strength from his own.

"It's common knowledge that forty percent of the student in the Barracks leave the campus because they cannot handle the workload. But, Jake, that is a lie. We were looking at the official reports, which agree with that image, and Marcus suggested looking into the student records for a more complete list of what they do. Jake, those students didn't leave campus ground. About twenty percent died accidental deaths. The other eighty were executed." Jake's eyes widened. "And Jake, that's not all. Several of the students who were executed at the beginning of last term visited Risa the vacation before." 

Jake spun away from Katassa, and ended up back in his room. "Arys," he whispered softly.

***

Odo paced the length of the quarters he had been referred to, waiting anxiously to see what the four admirals had in mind. He thought of going to find Dax but knew that he was not really up to facing her. The thought of seeing Kira in this time period was so great he did not really care about anything else. He knew that she could not love him. The female changeling had been right. But above all, there was a distinct wish to see her again, no matter what else was true. He sighed.

An image of her rose up before him, and he waited silently for the moment to abate. He did not want to remember what she looked like when she smiled. He did not want to think of her at all, and yet she was the only thing he considered when he thought of going back to Deep Space Nine.

Reaffirming his decision to ignore the way he felt about her, he shook his head to the image and proceeded to a small mirror in the wall above his sink. He concentrated for long moments, then set about reshaping his nose. After an hour of work, all he had succeeded in doing was creating a nose that that looked as though it had been broken five or six times and left to heal. Odo slammed his fist down on the sink counter in frustration, then mentally reformed his unfinished nose. As he watched the nose grow back, Kira again flashed before him, and he turned away in agony. Losing control over his form, he sunk into a puddle of gold liquid, remembering all the times he had spent with her. And one phrase echoed in his thoughts.

"This is Odo . . . my lover." She had not meant it, of course. But it still stuck out. It still made him feel wistful and desperately unhappy. There was nothing he could do, nothing he could say to her. and he dreaded meeting her again, even as he longed for it.

Hours passed slowly, giving him ample time to think about her. Eventually he reformed himself, changing into inanimate objects at will. And a chime came from his door after he had given up even on that. "Come in," he said gruffly, and Dax complied.

"Odo?" Her voice was soft in the silence. She knew all about his changing, and he often wondered if she knew about his love for Kira. He would have liked to talk to her about it, but he could not quite bring himself to broach the topic. Dax continued finally. "I was wondering how you felt about this trip."

Odo grunted noncommittally, and Dax nodded. Her sage-like gaze held him pinned, and for a long moment he knew fear. Then the moment was gone, and she was Dax again, his friend. He had precious few of them.

"I'm a little worried. It will mean meeting our . . . replacements, so to speak. I'm not sure this should be happening." 

Dax looked away, and for once, Odo could see that she was indeed frightened. He had only seen her that way once before. She had borne that look when Curzon Odo had told Jadzia that he wouldn't be returning. Odo knew how Curzon felt about Jadzia, and how well it had mirrored his own predicament. But Curzon had found the strength to tell Dax, something he could never do. "It's not StarFleet, is it?" 

The question sounded harsh to his own ears, but Dax knew him. She knew that he didn't necessarily like Starfleet. There was a silent agreement from her, and he backed away from her concern. She might be his friend, but this was not what he could deal with. He did not know how to comfort. In the end, they simply stayed in each other's presence, and that was enough for Dax, he saw. 

***

"It's going to be a delicate procedure, Jake. Especially without Katassa. I wish I knew where she was." Ari looked concerned, and Jake couldn't blame him. It was ironic that she should disappear now, when they were on the verge of freeing Arys from the Barracks. They had finally finished preparations, each of them knowing that they couldn't go off half-cocked. That would damage Arys far more than their rescue would help her. And so they had bided their time as they waited for transportation clearance and lodging acknowledgment to come through. Now, Jake nodded at his friend and tried to be strong for the others.

"We'll get Arys out of there, and then we'll find Katassa. It shouldn't be too hard. She must have left a trail somewhere. With Arys, we'll be able to find it." Jake plastered a grin on his face to show his followers, then turned to stare out at the stars. Worry crept back into his features. He was responsible for this group; he was the leader. If something happened to any of them, it would be on his head. His eyes clouded, and he blinked back tears. He could not afford to become emotional in front of these people. They were counting on him to be strong.

"All right. Let's go get Arys. You all know your assignments. Ari, since Katassa was supposed to be working near you, you will take over her actions as well. They corporate into your own nicely. Ari, Nog, I will see you soon, I hope. Dismissed." It was not until he had actually uttered the last word that he realized he sounded like a commanding officer. Perhaps something from his father had rubbed off, after all. They all scattered, each going their own way, and Jake watched them leave.

He headed off the other way, careful of the brush and foliage outside the Barrack's walls. But he wasn't careful enough, and a root caught him by surprise. The air flew out of him as he landed . . . .

. . . on the floor in his room. He gulped for a breath, amazed that he had fallen out of bed. The dream had been so real, the experience so fearsome that he was shivering. Getting up, he padded into the common room of the quarters he shared with his father and went to the replicator. "Ice water." The machine did as he asked, and he took the glass over to the couch. 

"Did you make it, Arys?" Jake whispered the question. He didn't know what to do, what had happened. Something told him that she would be fine, but he knew that in his own time period she was dead. "Oh, Arys. Why did I have to meet you in a dream? I would have loved you. I swear I would." He seemed to see her image floating before him, seemed to hear her voice speaking to him.

"Follow your heart, Jake. Otherwise you will lose what you are meant to be." He knew she spoke from experience, but whose? Surely not his own, though the platitude was something he had heard all of his life. He considered waking his father, telling him about the dreams. So far, he had not confided in anyone, not even Nog. Something about the dreams was too personal to try to explain. He shied away from telling his father, though. The captain had been having a lot of trouble locating Odo and Dax, he had heard, and Jake didn't want to give his father anything more to worry about.

After thinking for a long time, he drew out his PADD, and continued the chronicle of his dreams. He wrote down everything as it had happened. Somehow, he managed to remember everything. When he was done, he looked back at the whole of the file, staring at how linear the story was. Some part of him thought, this would make a good fiction story. I could call it Friendship or something. He grinned, thinking about what changes he would have to make so that he wouldn't make anyone angry. And as morning came, he finally went back to bed and drifted off to sleep.

***

It had been two days. Two days the admirals had deliberated, and none of them had thought to tell Dax or Odo anything. The security chief was beginning to get annoyed with the situation, but Dax remained her calm self, always in control. The two of them had ended up having several meals together, not that Odo ever ate anything. But the conversation was interesting, at least, as they speculated over what was currently happening at Deep Space Nine. 

"Do you think Kira will be able to keep Quark in line while you're gone?" Dax grinned at the constable, who snorted. (The mention of Kira was a spike in his heart, but he couldn't let her know.)

"Do you think that the science department will be able to get along without you?" he returned. She smiled her serene smile at him, and he nodded. "I thought so, Commander." Her eyes twinkled at the title.

"Odo, why won't you call me Jadzia?" Odo's eyes widened. She was looking at him in honest curiosity, and he found that he had no answer. He tried to temporize. 

"I always thought that . . . I mean, I . . . ." he trailed off, not knowing quite what to say. She stared at him, a catlike gaze, and in that instant, he realized that he had never called anyone by their given names. No-one. Not even Kira.

"I'd really like it if you would . . . ." Dax trailed off as a communication came through the relay panel in the wall.

"Odo, Dax, please join us in the Officer's Lounge when you can. We have your assignment ready." The voice cut off, and the two officers looked at each other, all talk of names forgotten. For Odo, there was only one thing to think of now. He might see Kira again. And if that happened, then he could be satisfied. That was all that mattered.

They arrived at their destination moments later. Both inhaled deeply before signaling the door to open. When it did, they could see the four admirals gathered together. Both were coupled, obviously enjoying this time spent in each other's company. It was painfully obvious to the lieutenant-commander and constable that this didn't happen often. The four turned to face them, and smiled in a reassuring fashion. Neither Dax nor Odo were comforted.

"I'm sure you're ready to hear your assignment, but would you like something to drink first?" Jake asked politely. Each of them shook their heads. "All right. We've decided that Deep Space Nine really does need the extra hands. Certainly Kira can use every able-bodied worker she can get her hands on. You will be helping her while we research your problem and try to find a way to deliver you home. When we do send you back, we will inject an amnesia drug concocted by the Vidiians into your system. It should help to keep your memories of this experience to a minimum. That way, we won't risk the future. That will be all." Jake had far surpassed his father in command, they could see. They nodded and left, not knowing what else to do.

"Well, it looks like we'll be going home, in some fashion at least." Odo nodded his agreement.

   [1]: mailto:miyaka@gto.net



	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:**

The characters of Jadzia Dax, Odo, Kira Nerys, Benjamin Sisko, Jake Sisko, Nog, and Quark, not to mention the space station Deep Space Nine are not mine, as much as I'd like them to be. Legally they belong to Paramount. The characters you don't recognize are mine, however. Hahahahaha, finally, all mine. Oh, sorry.

**Author's notes:**

This story came about from a roundtable story done between my best friend Kira and I. I really hope you enjoy it. I'd rate it PG because it does have some adult content in it, although it is tastefully done, much like the true series. The story is set somewhere in the fourth season, with fourth season spoilers. So if you haven't seen the fourth season eps. you better watch out. And not all of the fourth season is included, for those of you who want purity. 

The title comes from Ode to Intimations of Immortality from Early Recollections of Childhood, by Wordsworth. I hope you'll be able to see how it fits in with the plot. Enjoy the story, and email me if you have any comments, flames, etc. My address is [miyaka@gto.net][1]. 

**Dedication:**

I'd like to dedicate this story to my friend Kira, without whom the Eysu Moraht would never have existed, and to all of my prereaders, without whom the story would not have existed. I'd also like to dedicate it to Eloise and Jimmy Hill, two people now gone but whom the world will always treasure.

* * *

STAR TREK: DEEP SPACE NINE  
The Faith That Looks Through Death  
by Yuuki Miyaka  


Chapter 3

Jake walked around his quarters, debating his responsibility to those in his dreams. His eyes roamed the walls, and his chest constricted as he thought of each. Then, he realized that with a lot of research, it might still be possible to find out about Katassa. He had already gotten transportation down to Bajor. All that remained was to get his father's permission. And, amazingly enough, as though he had known what was going through Jake's head, Benjamin Sisko walked into his quarters at that precise moment.

"Hey, Jake-O. What's going on?" Jake could see his father was in a good mood, and almost told the captain everything. He ached to talk to his father about it, but sensed that this was something he had to deal with alone.

"You're in a good mood. Have you found Dax and Odo?" Benjamin shook his head as pain came into his face. Jake looked away, not knowing what to say. "Uh, Dad? There's something I wanted to ask you. Would it be all right if I went to Bajor for a week or two? I've been thinking about that research, and I'm just not ready to give up on it yet." The captain stared at his son, confused.

"What are you talking about, Jake?" Jake sighed, not sure what to tell his father.

"Dad, you remember. I was trying to access information about the Bajoran resistance cells, and you said that it would be just about impossible unless I were to actually go down to Bajor. So I've booked passage aboard one of the daily transport ships." Benjamin looked at his son in shock. 

"What will you do for lodgings? And what about contacts? Did you ever think of that?" Jake nodded.

"Yeah. I figured I could talk to Shakaar. He was the leader of Kira's resistance cell once, and I've seen him before. Besides, he's your friend. So if he doesn't mind, and you don't mind my going, then I will spend some of the time with him, and the rest of the time I will look around for others in old resistance cells. How does that sound?"

"Jake, that man is the First Minister of Bajor. He has responsibilities, and can't take time out to conform to your whims. I suggest that you put this out of your mind for a while and concentrate on another story." Benjamin's eyes flashed as he said this, and Jake left the room before he could tell his father any more.

As he wandered the Promenade, he debated using one of his other choices. Finally, as he stood outside of Kira's quarters, having wandered through most of the station, he decided. He left her door, going to one of the public communications relays in the Replimat. Standing in front of it, he keyed in Shakaar's coordinates. At once, his face came up on the screen. "Jake Sisko?" The older Bajoran stared in surprise at Captain Sisko's son.

"Mr. Shakaar? I was wondering if you could help me. I'm doing research on the resistance cells, and I needed lodgings on Bajor for a time, and perhaps an interview with you and others of your cell. Would that be possible?" Shakaar grinned.

"Pass up a chance to tell old war-stories? Not me. Am I right in assuming that Nerys gave you this idea?" Jake tried to look sheepish, as though she really had. Shakaar nodded, completely fooled. "Well, you're welcome to stay with me until you go back to the station. I might even be able to pull in a couple of favors and get you to talking to some of the other cell leaders." Jake's eyes lit up, and he grinned.

"Thank you, sir. I was planning on leaving at the end of the week. Will that be a problem?" Shakaar shook his head, and signaled the termination of his end. Jake nodded, trying to figure out the rest of the logistics.

***

Odo paced the confines of his room as Dax stared out the window. She sighed once, then nodded. "I understand how you feel, Odo. I accessed the history files for the last twenty years. I still can't believe what has happened in that time. An entirely new organization has taken over the Federation, and it seems like the Eysu Moraht--that's the organization--is doing a better job than the Federation was able to do. I never expected to see something like this." Dax trailed off. Odo nodded once, silently asking her to continue.

"There's just something a little unreal about five Academy dropouts who create an entire alliance. It seems that Jake and his friends were the founding members of the entire Eysu Moraht, and it happened a year after they left the Academy." Odo stared at her in confusion.

"But I thought that Jake was going to Pennington. What happened to his writing career?" Dax shook her head, clearly unable to understand it herself.

"Apparently, he didn't. As near as I can tell, he considered it, but ultimately decided to follow in his father's footsteps. I don't know what made him decide to. But they were the ones who created the Kumsahmi, it says in the history. Apparently they built it with help from the Aurahj. But the most amazing thing is that they have come so far. They are the ones holding off the Founders. Sorry, Odo." Dax looked away, but Odo only grunted. He could not allow the lieutenant-commander to see the pain he felt at not being able to see his people. 

"So now we are on one of their ships, flying toward our old station, and we have no idea how to return to our own time, or even what brought us here. And to top that off, everything we once knew has changed." Dax nodded, and Odo suddenly thought of something. "Dax, if you meet your replacement--what was his name--Lenzar, wouldn't that be reassociation?" Dax smiled in pain.

"No. I don't know what it will be, but it isn't reassociation. The difference is that we should open ourselves up to new experiences, and if we continue to marry the same Trill, even if it is a new host, then we aren't allowing ourselves to live. However, if we should meet future or past hosts because of a temporal anomaly, that would be different, because we would still have our own lives. Do you see?" Odo nodded slowly, understanding everything she had said.

"Yes. But by that rule, isn't your relationship with Captain Sisko a reassociation?" Dax shook her head again, a smile playing about her lips. 

"No. Benjamin and I were friends when I was Curzon, true, but Jadzia was posted to Deep Space Nine. Eventually we would have become friends, even if he hadn't known me as Curzon. The fact that we had met in one of my past hosts only sped matters along. The point is that, although he calls me 'old man,' he sees me as Jadzia, not Curzon. And that is the difference. I am glad that Benjamin and I are friends, though. I have never had a friend quite like him." Jadzia Dax's eyes lit up from within with a contented smile, and Odo realized exactly how beautiful she was. It surprised him.

"So what happens now? Do we ignore StarFleet temporal policy?" Dax grinned at the constable. 

"You're asking about StarFleet protocol? Odo, I never thought I would see the day. But in all seriousness, I don't think we can afford to ignore it. I don't know how we can keep it from happening, though. There are too many variables that we create simply by being here. And we've researched so much about the past. We know too much already." Dax sighed in frustration, and Odo resumed his pacing. They were silent for five minutes, each considering the implications of changing the timeline.

"What would happen if we were to take the information back to our time, Dax?" Odo's question was a valid one, Dax thought.

"Most likely, the information as we know it would change. It's possible that Julian or I would not die in the war, or that Kira would. We can't know anything about what will happen."

"I meant," Odo interrupted firmly, "don't we already know what would happen? This is our future, after all. That would mean that we've already brought the information back into the past, right?"

"Wrong. Look, Odo, there are thousands of different futures that could happen each time one person makes a decision. We could be in one right now that was created without our coming into the future. We may never have jumped times. But in the one we know, we _did_ jump into the future. I know that it's confusing, but in the end, we could be in any one of a thousand different futures. We could just as easily have jumped into a future where the Cardassians did not leave Bajor, and they owned the wormhole." Odo nodded. He was understanding this whole experience only vaguely, but he knew he had to go back. Even if it meant that he would die, he had to see Kira--his Kira--once more.

"So we forget everything we learn here and when we go back, if we do remember, we don't tell anyone. Is that it? We can't even talk about it?" Odo's frustration made his words sharper than he would have liked, and he glanced up to see if Dax had noticed. But she hadn't, and all he could see in her face was pain. Dax's misery spoke to Odo, who suddenly realized that she had her own sorrows to deal with. "Commander, if you would like to talk about it . . . ." Odo trailed off, unsure of what to say next. Dax's wan smile lacked the brightness he was used to.

"No thanks, Odo. It's not important." And Odo heard other words, words that had come back to haunt him.

"Just a slip of the tongue. Nothing important."

***

Jake stepped out of the runabout and looked around. He caught sight of Shakaar and waved. Shakaar returned the gesture, grinning at the boy. Jake smiled back as he moved toward the ex-terrorist. "Thanks for helping me." Shakaar grinned again and led the way back to his farm. Along the way, Jake noticed the barren view and silently wished that the Occupation had never happened. When they were in his home, Shakaar moved to the kitchen as they chatted.

"So, Jake. Which resistance cell are you researching?" Shakaar asked.

"I was researching the Paq resistance. I believe they tried to liberate Gallitep before your cell got to it. What happened?"

"Oh, I see. Were you planning to use Gallitep in one of your stories?" Jake nodded, and Shakaar smiled. "Well, the Paq resistance was not the best equipped cell of the movement, but it did do some good work. Mostly, it was involved with secret infiltration. That was why it attempted Gallitep in the first place. But it failed because several of its members didn't trust the man in charge. I didn't trust him either, for that matter. He was good at what he did, but a little too good. I have the feeling that he was only out for his own good. It was determined later that he was a Cardassian infiltrator, which was probably one of the reasons he was able to get into tight security areas." Shakaar shrugged, then glanced at Jake, who was having to visibly force himself to stay awake. "Am I that boring?" he asked with a smile, and Jake looked up in panic. "I'm joking, kid. You don't look like you're sleeping enough. Why don't you go take a nap?"

Jake nodded, unable to do anything else. With a sigh, he went into the guest room and laid down on the bed provided for him. Weariness from the trip and a wish to be near Arys worked to overcome his anxiety about lying to his father, and he fell asleep within moments.

***

Jake looked at the crew surrounding him, and his chest swelled with pride. He was a captain, the youngest captain anywhere, he would imagine. His senior officers also had that distinction, the lowest rank being a lieutenant-commander. Each one smiled back, and Jake nodded at them. There was Ari, his second in command, sitting to his right, and Leshia, Katassa's sister. Leshia was the Chief Medical Officer, and the youngest here. On his left were his Chief Engineer, Nog, and his Chief Security Officer, Arys. The count on the ship was small for such a massive ship, but there were luxuries the Aurahj had built into the ship that StarFleet ships did not have. 

The Kumsahmi, Jake knew, could give the Romulan Birds of Prey a run for their money. It equaled them in size and outmatched them in firepower. More, the five ex-Academy students, with the help of Katassa's computer-hacking capabilities and Katassa's scientists, had been able to perfect the phase-cloak, an ingenious device that allowed them to hide from their enemies and pass through solid objects as though they were ghosts. And the normal cloak and SubGate technology did not hurt, either.

Jake cleared his throat. "Thanks for meeting me here. I know most of you are off-duty, but I wanted to go over a few things before we arrive in StarFleet space." Jake paused, looking around to gauge their reactions. Nog was excited, and barely able to contain it. Ari was subdued, most likely thinking of his father. Jake shuddered to think what Dukat would have to say about this. Leshia was openly curious about this place they intended to visit, never having been there herself, but her Aurahj manners kept her face turned to the table, where Jake could barely see it. And Arys stared back at him, her eyes showing not the slightest emotion. That was unlike Arys, Jake thought, worrying. There had been a time when she would have made a flippant remark about the mission, but the Barracks had changed that.

"There will be repercussions we must consider if we are to make an appropriately diplomatic gesture of friendship. For one thing, most of us are known by StarFleet headquarters, at the very least because of our parentage. The fact that we left the Academy will not go unnoticed, and that will be detrimental to our cause." Jake halted his speech as Arys cleared her throat, and he nodded at the Chief of Security to speak.

"Jake, we know this. Why dwell on it? We can't do a thing about it, sir. What we can do something about is impressing those bigwigs up in StarFleet HQ. Maybe if we give them something to shock them, we can get away with not going through proper protocol. Thing is, sir, we don't have the luxury of worrying about paperwork." Her voice rose with passion as she spoke, and they could all sense her commitment to the true reason they had returned. "We have to put the Barracks out of commission once and for all. Once we do that, StarFleet will see that we are allies." 

Ari shook his head, negating her statement. "Arys, it's not that simple. If StarFleet doesn't know what the Barracks are doing to their students . . . ."

"StarFleet has to know," Arys interrupted. "There is no way that the Barracks could get away with something like this so easily." The lieutenant-commander stood, her back ramrod straight, and walked out of the door, leaving the others to stare at the seat she had just vacated. Jake rose, motioning with his hand for the others to leave, and followed Arys. He found her in her quarters.

"Arys? We're arriving in StarFleet space in three hours. Will you be ready?" Jake's near-silent question held a concern for his friend. He stared into the blackness, cursing her for leaving the lights off, and finally saw her dark form hovering in front of a window. He joined her, standing to her left staring out into an unknown sky.

Together, they watched the darkness outside pervade the darkness of her quarters. Jake marveled at how chilling it all was, how depressing. He had never known just how sad simply leaving the lights off could be. But even as he thought this, he knew that there was more to it than that. Arys was hurting, and that hurt translated the darkness into an almost physical pain for Jake. She was, perhaps, his closest friend within the five. For a long time, Nog had been, and all of them were so close that the differences were nearly indefinable. But Arys understood him. She was his bulwark, the person who kept him sane in this.

He considered their time together in the past. At first, she was ever-cheerful, which he had found completely amazing considering what she had been through. But later, after the Barracks and for the past year, she had been distant, cold, even cruel. Jake couldn't blame her. He knew that the Barracks had nearly destroyed her. But he wished for the old Arys back, the Arys that might have teased him about his speeches, and the one who confided in him. For she hadn't done that in a long time either.

An hour passed in this manner before either of them spoke, and it was Arys who finally broke the silence. "Jake, what do you expect of me?" The plea wrenched at his heart, and he turned toward her, ready to pull her into his arms. But the moment he touched her, she flinched away. "I can't be that girl anymore, Jake. I don't know how."

Jake opened his mouth to speak, but could think of nothing to say. Where once Arys would have laughed at his speechlessness, now she only regarded him coolly. Eventually, he turned away from that cold stare, wandering through the darkened room. Tears filled his eyes and spilled down his cheeks as he thought of what she had endured. He sat staring forward, not hearing her soft command to increase the lighting. Suddenly, soft fingers were tracing the tear tracks on his cheek with a feathery touch, and he focused to find her kneeling in front of him. "Jake," she whispered, then pulled away, watching him. He forced himself to remain still, allowing only his eyes to speak to her, and that seemed to open a gate within her. She sank to the floor, shaking. "You don't know what it was like, being punished for everything."

Jake swallowed. "It was abuse, Arys. Some people enjoy inflicting pain, and the only thing we can do about it is to make sure that this never happens to anyone else." Jake had never felt quite so distant from her as he did at that moment. She nodded, and he sank down beside her, offering comfort even as he closed his eyes against her pain.

When he opened his eyes again, he was seated on the floor of Shakaar's guest room, a pillow clutched in his arms and tear stains on his face. He sat there, shaking and coping.

***

Most of the admirals were gone, leaving only Ari to answer Odo and Dax's questions. The three were having supper together, Dax and Ari eating, and Odo simulating drinking.

"You must understand about the SSTF. It didn't become corrupt until Admiral Furene gained control of it. She was always a little corrupt, but no one knew how evil she really was. She managed to exchange the staff with friends of hers who possessed the same views, and they started trying to make a class of pure fighting machines, automatons who would do anything to win the upper hand. Arys didn't fit her mold of that student, so she was going to be killed. That's why we left StarFleet. We had to save Arys. If Jake hadn't demanded it of us, we might not have worked together, and then we would all be dead. We dealt with that threat, though. That was our first mission. After that, we mainly went around doing good deeds until everyone loved us." Ari looked at the others, trying to gauge their reactions to his words. They stared at each other, and Odo spoke first.

"Perhaps the Federation isn't so holy here." Dax's eyes flashed with fury, but he only regarded her coolly. Eventually, she sighed and turned away, unsure of exactly what to do. A disembodied voice interrupted them at that moment.

"Admiral, we are approaching Deep Space Nine. We should be there within the minute." The admiral emerged from his Ready Room, leaving the other two officers behind. 

The station looked wretched. Where once it had stood proud and strong in front of the Bajoran Wormhole, now it seemed to have wilted. The lights flashed, but it seemed more like the lights of a particularly old home that refused to give up. After a moment, the ensign who had summoned Ari spoke again. "Admiral, we're being hailed." Ari nodded.

"Put it onscreen."

***

Jake paced the Bridge of the Kumsahmi, unsure of whether to remove the cloak. Suddenly, Arys looked up at him, staring straight into his eyes. Since they had handled the Barracks, she had been able to put the episode behind her. Perhaps all she needed was exorcism from her pain. But now she looked utterly confused. "Captain, they know we're here. I don't know how, but they have detected us." Jake swore quietly and creatively in Bajoran. Arys grinned softly at that, as did the rest of his senior officers. 

"It must be that Romulan cloak on the Defiant. By working with that, they have come up with a way to detect and penetrate cloaks. Damn! Okay, decloak and hail them." Arys nodded, her hands flying across the console as she keyed in the commands. She was more familiar with this console than anyone else on the ship, including the other senior officers. She had designed it specifically for the expediency it gave her. No one else could work it as fast. A small smile of pride appeared on her lips as she pressed the last button. The entire procedure had taken less than five seconds.

"Ship decloaked and hailing frequencies open, sir."

Jake nodded. "This is Captain Jake Sisko of the Eysu Moraht ship Kumsahmi. We would like to secure a docking port and come aboard, Captain." Jake's eyes twinkled as he saw his father's reaction. The older captain's face went from bored indifference to utter shock to complete fury in a matter of seconds.

"Jake Sisko, where have you been?"

The first time Jake had introduced himself since coming back to the Alpha Quadrant, it had been to Admiral Smith. She had known his father for some time, and had tried to help when his mother had died. Her reply had been much the same as his father's was now, and he felt utterly humiliated yet again. He sighed, then repeated his earlier words, praying his father would pick up on the fact that his command should not be questioned until they were in private.

"Permission granted, Captain. I hope you will join me for dinner this evening." Jake smiled warmly for the benefit of his Bridge crew and nodded graciously before terminating the transmission. In reality, he was not looking forward to dinner. He had a feeling that the main course would be a lecture on running away, etc. He did not feel up to a lecture. As he turned back to sit in his chair again, he caught Arys' eyes, and he could see the sympathy in them. For a long moment, he considered inviting her along to keep his father from killing him, but he discarded the idea, knowing she had her own plans for what to do when they docked. He left the Bridge, and when the doors opened before him, he could see into his bedroom. He walked in, happy in the knowledge that Arys was better and knowing that he had a lot of research to prepare for.

***

"This is Colonel Kira Nerys of New Bajor. Greetings, D'harincoort. You may dock in port twelve." Kira's weary smile pulled an answering one from Ari. He had been one of the original promoters for a Cardassia/Bajor alliance. They had taken him seriously, and he had won the undying gratitude of both Arys and Kira. He nodded at her and terminated the connection. Dax and Odo had stayed in his Ready Room, not quite ready for the sight of their old friend. He returned to them, and informed them of the plans he had made to put them up on the station.

Ten minutes later, the three were walking out of the docking port, when they heard a strangled cry from behind them. Odo turned first, and was greeted by the sight of his beloved Kira, tears streaming down her face. Beside her was a male Trill he had never seen before and Shakaar. The moment he noticed Shakaar next to Kira, Odo's face closed down in cool defense. But Kira had other things in mind, and motioned for Odo to come to her. Odo stepped up to her, looking down at her. He was unable to stop himself. Dax, meanwhile, walked over to the Trill, and stared at him. And Ari walked to Shakaar calmly.

"I think we need to let each of them sort this out themselves. It's good to see you again, Shakaar. How's New Bajor? Any major crises . . . ." The words grew softer as the two moved away, leaving the other four behind. Each couple moved away from each other, an unconscious movement to gain privacy.

***

Dax stared at the man in front of her, something in her recognizing the symbiont nestled within him. Finally, her training reasserted itself, and she smiled at him. "You must be Lenzar Dax. It's good to meet you. I've read a little about you. I had no idea that my replacement was going to be so good at getting into trouble." She tried to make it a joke that they could both share, but it came out a little flat as they both remembered the history behind his Joining with the Dax symbiont. He nodded formally, then moved away to a safer distance.

"I met you at my zhian'tara. You seemed much more friendly there." He smiled the same serene smile she always did, and she realized just how young the boy was. She smiled back, determined to make the entire episode as easy on him as possible. "I imagine that you won't remember this meeting, Jadzia. There's no reason to assume you would, thanks to Vidiian technology. I just wanted to tell you that I admired you." Dax's smile became real, then. She had no idea how he was doing it, but this Lenzar was able to make her feel completely relaxed around him.

"Thanks. There hasn't been a lot to admire, but I appreciate the sentiment." Dax's eyes sparkled, and she found herself quietly considering how handsome this young man was. The thought brought a mischievous glint to her expression, and she turned away before she blushed.

"There's plenty to admire." He made a motion in the direction of the Replimat, and the two began to walk there, continuing their conversation. "After all, you're a master at Klingon martial arts, and you're brave enough to defy convention for things that mean something to you. Like Lenara." His gaze sobered. "I know that Torias loved her, and that you came to love her. It was very hard for you, wasn't it? I wanted to ask you this in the zhian'tara, but I couldn't. I couldn't explain it to Kira." He shrugged ever so slightly, and she laughed.

"You got Kira to lend me her body? That must have been hysterical. Why didn't you have your zhian'tara on our homeworld, though?" Dax sank gracefully into the seat provided for her, debating what she wanted to order. Perhaps some Gaghk.

"I told you that I admired you. I wanted to try it your way, and have it here, on New Bajor. So I asked Kira's permission, and she granted it. It was interesting to see what you had to say about your 'host.'" Lenzar smiled again, and the conversation continued.

***

"Jake! I need your help. There's a slight problem with the strategy I'm trying to work out. Will you help me?" Jake turned to Arys and shrugged. It was rare that she ever needed his help for anything, so he was always happy to oblige. Now, he found himself following her to the senior officer's dining lounge. He grinned, figuring that she had been working on the strategy over dinner. He couldn't blame her. He was long overdue for a meal himself, but the complications with the Founders had kept him very busy.

They strode into the lounge, and she moved out of his line-of-sight in one lightning-quick motion. There before him was Nog and Ari. He grinned. "What's going on here?" he asked good-naturedly. He looked back at Arys, but someone entirely different answered him.

"It's a celebration, Jake Sisko. What do you think?" Jake whirled around to see Katassa moving toward him, a proud smile on her face. "I have the distinct honor of being the one to present you with your next pip, Admiral Sisko." With dignified ceremony, she placed the pip on his collar and stepped back. He stared at everyone else in shock.

"Admiral?" That was the only word to come out of his mouth, but it echoed his feelings perfectly. Arys grinned softly, and nodded her head. "Admiral?" The second time he said it had Arys' shoulders shaking softly, and the rest of his senior staff tried to suppress their own laughter. "Admiral?" The third time was too much, and the lounge was filled with loud guffaws as the entire senior staff let go of their merriment.

Jake didn't comment, although his face flamed. Arys was the first one to stop laughing, and for that he was grateful, although the fact that her laughter was so long, and so abandoned did a lot for him too. It had been too long since she had truly laughed, he thought. He didn't move as the others walked up to him to congratulate him, although Arys did manage to get him to dance with her.

As they were dancing, he reflected on how far he had come. It had been only five years since they had established the Eysu in the Alpha Quadrant, but he still could not believe that the Alliance had flourished so well.

The dance ended, and he and Arys opted to sit the next one out. They stood on the far corner of the dance floor, watching Ari and Katassa dance, and Arys grinned. "They really are in love. Isn't it wonderful, Jake?" Jake nodded softly, knowing that Arys was right. Ari and Katassa were in love, and he was glad of it. They deserved all the happiness they could get, although he knew as well as everyone else that they wouldn't be happy for long. Katassa was the leader of the Aurahj. She could not leave her people or get married. It may well be that she would be called upon to make a marriage of state. And as for Ari, he was needed in the Eysu as much as Katassa was needed on Aurahj. It could never work. Yet that didn't stop Jake from wishing them the best of luck, or from looking over at Arys. 

The music trailed off, and Katassa and Ari left the room quietly. It didn't take a genius to figure out where they were headed. Jake smiled, looking back at his other two friends. "You know, we've come a long way, guys. I don't believe it sometimes, but it's true. I'm glad you're both here with me. It means a lot to me." Nog nodded, and grinned at his best friend before whirling Arys out onto the dance floor. They looked very cozy together, Jake thought with a sigh. He had not wanted to jeopardize his friendship with her, and now she was with someone else. The last thing he saw before be awoke was Arys leaning down to kiss Nog.

Jake looked through his belongings until he came to the PADD he had brought with him. The sight of Arys kissing Nog had done something to him, something he could not quite name. All he knew was that he needed to get these emotions out of him, so he sat down with the PADD and began to write. It had always worked before, he thought. So why wasn't it working now?

***

Odo stared at Kira. The years had been kind to her in some ways. She was still remarkably beautiful, still as strong as ever. But there was an undefined sadness to her, and a silent happiness in her aura. He shook his head, unable to look her in the eyes anymore. To his surprise, a hand reached up to cup his face. "Odo?" she whispered softly. The changeling nodded, and tears came into her eyes. "Is it really you?" And to his shock and amazement, she threw her arms around him, holding him tightly. When she let go moments later, he was staring at her.

"What did you do that for, Major?" Kira looked confused for a moment, then nodded sagely.

"That's right. You don't know about any of it. C'mon, there's a place at Quark's for you. We can talk there." She smiled and led him to the old bar. An older Ferengi greeted him with a shriek.

"No! He's come to get me. I haven't done anything, I tell you. Nothing! You have no proof!" The Ferengi bartender ran into the other room, and another one, much younger, came out to take their orders. When all was done, the two sat at the bar, one drink in front of them. Kira smiled broadly.

"Your replacement isn't as good as Dax's, you know. I don't know where you dug him up, but he just doesn't antagonize Quark nearly enough. That old lecher is getting soft. That's why he reacted the way he did when he saw you. He's been afraid ever since it got out that you were dead that it was all some elaborate conspiracy to trick him into giving something away. I guess he just couldn't accept the fact that you were dead." Tears filled Kira's eyes, and she looked away. 

"I guess I couldn't either."

   [1]: mailto:miyaka@gto.net



	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:**

The characters of Jadzia Dax, Odo, Kira Nerys, Benjamin Sisko, Jake Sisko, Nog, and Quark, not to mention the space station Deep Space Nine are not mine, as much as I'd like them to be. Legally they belong to Paramount. The characters you don't recognize are mine, however. Hahahahaha, finally, all mine. Oh, sorry.

**Author's notes:**

This story came about from a roundtable story done between my best friend Kira and I. I really hope you enjoy it. I'd rate it PG because it does have some adult content in it, although it is tastefully done, much like the true series. The story is set somewhere in the fourth season, with fourth season spoilers. So if you haven't seen the fourth season eps. you better watch out. And not all of the fourth season is included, for those of you who want purity. 

The title comes from Ode to Intimations of Immortality from Early Recollections of Childhood, by Wordsworth. I hope you'll be able to see how it fits in with the plot. Enjoy the story, and email me if you have any comments, flames, etc. My address is [miyaka@gto.net][1]. 

**Dedication:**

I'd like to dedicate this story to my friend Kira, without whom the Eysu Moraht would never have existed, and to all of my prereaders, without whom the story would not have existed. I'd also like to dedicate it to Eloise and Jimmy Hill, two people now gone but whom the world will always treasure.

* * *

STAR TREK: DEEP SPACE NINE  
The Faith That Looks Through Death  
by Yuuki Miyaka  


Chapter 4

"What do you mean, Major?" It was the second time he had called her by her old title, and she finally noticed. A small grin lit her face. 

"Odo, I'm a colonel now." She trailed off, and he waited for her to explain her actions. Her explanation was a long time in coming. "I don't really know where to start. I guess a lot of this is going to sound completely ridiculous, but I don't really care. You need to be told, or someone else will comment on it, and you won't have any idea what they're talking about. So I guess I start at the beginning.

"About twenty-one years ago, war broke out on Bajor. Most of us thought that we were done with war after the Occupation, but it just wasn't to be. This war was pretty bad, though. Shakaar and Winn were the two people at the heads of the factions. The entire senior staff of DS9 swore loyalty to Shakaar. One night, about three months into the war, you came to my quarters. We hadn't really had much time to talk, and you asked me if I would like to go to the holosuites. I thought that you had finally lost it." She smiled, remembering. "Finally, we decided to just stay in my quarters and chat.

"We talked for hours. We both had the entire day free. I was never sure after that just how it happened. I suspected Benjamin of having something to do with it. Around midnight, the conversation turned to the war and death. I remember it like it was yesterday . . . ."

***

Odo and Kira sat on a small couch in her quarters. They had considered going to his rooms, but dismissed the idea due to the fact that there was no furniture there. Their talk had been light at first, but somehow it waxed depressive, and neither one of them wished to leave the other's company quite yet, so the discussion continued.

"It's almost as though there was never peace on Bajor. I can barely remember a time when no-one was fighting. How could we have sunk so low, Odo?" Kira stared holes into the wall. "We preach brotherhood and then turn around and kill each other. What went wrong?" Odo sighed.

"Winn." He considered his next words carefully. He had debated asking her all evening, and now was the time. If he didn't say it now, he would never ask. "Kira, are you going to join the war?" Kira gave him an odd look.

"No. I don't believe in it. I'll help Shakaar out politically, but I can't fight again. Not my own people." Odo nodded.

"Bashir is going down there to help the wounded. Dax decided to join him. The captain gave them both leave, and their replacements are on the way." Kira nodded, and Odo fought the urge to leave. He had to tell her everything. But with her right there in front of him, it was extremely difficult. 

"Kira, I . . . ." Odo's voice trailed off into a mumble, and Kira looked at him sharply. She had never known him to mumble anything in his life. He just wasn't the type.

"What?"

"I . . . love you." The words were so soft, she had to strain to hear them. And once she had heard them, she decided that it wasn't what he said. She looked at him in disbelief, and that gave him the courage to repeat himself. "I love you, Kira." He stopped, unsure of what to say next. The fear was almost impossible to deal with. He had never known such fear, and he probably never would again.

"Why didn't you ever tell me?" Her voice was soft, hesitant.

"I did. I told you twice before this." He stared anywhere but her face, unable to talk to her. "The first time I tried to tell you, it turned out to be one of my people. On that moon in the Badlands." Kira nodded.

"That's how you knew it wasn't me, wasn't it? Because of what she said." Odo nodded miserably. "But how did you know how I would respond?"

"You didn't have those feelings for me. I knew it, but I couldn't let you die not knowing how I felt. And then there was the time we went back to the beginning of the Occupation." He gave a short bark of laughter. "Your response really surprised me. I never expected you to accept the fact, much less reciprocate."

"I thought it was just a dream." Odo shook his head.

"No, it was real." She looked at him curiously.

"But if you knew I would love you, why didn't you tell me?" Odo shrugged. 

"I don't know. All I know is that the war on Bajor will eventually come up here, and I don't want to pretend anymore. Not with everything else on top of it." She smiled at him warmly.

"I know, Odo. I love you. I think I always will." She touched his face, and he glanced into her eyes. Once there, he was lost, and the night wore on, leaving both of them secure in their knowledge and each other's arms.

***

"I told you everything, then." Kira nodded, smiling wanly.

"Yes. And about two months later, you were killed. I think part of me died on that day. I felt worse than when Bareil died. I couldn't think, couldn't eat. Benjamin pulled me off of work until I could cope with it, and Julian did his best to help. But then Julian died, and I very nearly fell apart. Benjamin felt just as bad. His life was wrapped up in Bajor, and he felt responsible for what had happened.

"Eventually, Ben and I gave up and joined the war completely. When it was finally over, we both welcomed the peace. Shakaar kept Ben and myself on as the commanders of the station, which he renamed New Bajor. He was responsible for most things, but were the ones who handled the day to day crises of DS9 itself. At some point, we decided to get married. I don't really know how it happened. We never really loved each other. I guess we just wanted someone to hold onto who was a survivor, someone who would always be there. It wasn't enough, though. We only stayed married about three years. After the divorce, he left for StarFleet HQ. They wanted to make him an admiral. I was promoted to colonel, and have been in charge of New Bajor ever since." Kira looked away.

"I'm sorry." Odo whispered the words, unsure of how she would feel. She just nodded. On impulse, he reached out a single finger, and touched her face. This was playing with fire, he knew. And he was going to get more than burned.

***

Jake sighed. He had been tracing down leads for several days now, having infrequent dreams besides, and he was getting fed up. Walking up to a particular hut that was the last one on his list, he knocked quickly, certain that no-one was home. He started to turn away when the door opened. A spindly woman peeked through the opening, a worried look on her face. "Yes," she said, softly, and Jake knew instinctively that this was not Arys.

"Hi," he said quietly, trying to persuade her through his demeanor that he meant no ill. "I'm Jake Sisko, from Deep Space Nine. I'm here to research the Paq resistance cell, and I was wondering if you had any free time?" He gave her a lopsided grin, and the woman moved away from the door.

"I was just about to make some tea, Mr. Sisko. Would you like to join me?" Jake nodded, and the woman smiled at him. "My name is Carran Imela. What did you want to know?" 

Jake wrote down the name, and took a seat. Imela, he realized with a start, wasn't that much older than he, perhaps six years or so, but she seemed so much older. He couldn't help staring, and to his embarrassment, she noticed. "I know. I look so much older than I am. It's just one more reason to hate the Occupation. I was about four when I was inducted into the Paq. But there were a lot of deaths and horrors that scarred me, and I ended up being the old crone, somehow. Are you looking for anyone in particular?" The last was directed at the PADD in his hand, and he flushed slightly, nodding.

"Myran Arys. There was some connection between the Paq and her, I'm told. I just wondered what it was, and if she could have escaped the final death sentence that everyone but you seemed to go through. I'm doing a story on her." He accepted the tea that Imela handed him, and watched while she seated herself.

"I don't know if she escaped. She was with us when the others went into Gallitep, but somehow she realized it was a trap and went running after them. She's probably dead. It would be nice to know for certain, though. As to the rest of the cell, there was one other person who escaped. One good thing about our leader: he refused to kill children. He sent the three of us away before trying Gallitep. The other one was Mirst Lenden. He lives about two houses down. If you like, I'll see if he's home. He might know whether she's still alive." Jake sighed once more, and shook his head.

"Thanks, but no. I was going to head home after this visit anyway. It's been a long day, and there isn't much to go on, anyway. Perhaps you could give me his address before I leave, though, so that I can contact him later. But for now, I'd just like to know more about Arys. Can you tell me a little of what she was like?"

"Oh, Arys was a wild one. She loved the odd practical joke, but somehow, she managed to keep it from going too far. She was really very sweet. She always liked Shakaar quite a bit. Now that he's become a prominent member of the government, I can see what she liked about him. Before, I always teased her about her taste in men. After all, to me, then, Shakaar was nothing more than a ladies man. Let's see. She was the brave one of us children." Imela smiled softly. "I could always talk to her. She seemed so happy, despite the fact that the only thing she had ever known was the Occupation. There were times when she acted like such a child." Jake looked at her blankly.

"She _was_ a child, Ms. Carran. Why is it so surprising that she acted like one?" Imela looked at Jake in amusement.

"She may have been a child physically, Mr. Sisko, but she was hardly young. No one was, during the Occupation. On the contrary, we grew up before we had been born. It wasn't easy to be a child in that time, Mr. Sisko. I'm sure that Arys did the best she could, but if she was too wild, she would be left behind. No one could afford that. So she only acted up when she knew she could. Other times, she was as serious as the rest of the adults." Jake nodded quietly.

***

Jadzia looked over at her companion in the holosuite. She had searched out the files of Benjamin earlier, but wasn't quite sure she could take seeing him again. There was something about his eyes in the picture she had called up that she couldn't quite deal with. Instead, she went to Lenzar, curious as to what he could tell her. But she didn't have the nerve to bring Benjamin up. She examined her feelings, unsure of why she felt so frightened. Every instinct told her to run, that she would gain nothing in this mad quest to discover the future. But she couldn't stop herself.

"Jadzia?" Lenzar's voice was soft as he approached her. "You've never been one to ignore a holosuite program, as I recall. Why start now?" He sat beside her, and in that instant, she could see Audrid Dax inside him. She looked away, knowing that she wanted to confide in him more than anything else.

"It's Benjamin. Something's wrong, and I can't figure out what. Every time I try to find out, someone calls me away, or the computer acts up. What happened to him, Lenzar? I saw his eyes. He's mourning something. What?" As soon as she was done, she regretted her outburst. But Lenzar just looked at her with patience, and she nearly cried.

"He had a lot to bear with after the war started. At first, he refused to become involved. He said that his StarFleet training did not permit it. But slowly, he came around. The first time something happened, he remained firm in the face of Kira's outbursts. But after Jadzia . . . after _you_ died, he went a little crazy. For a while, the replacement doctor considered taking him off duty. Thing was, Kira was just as upset, as was everyone else who had known you." He looked up at her, smiling slightly. "It seems strange to talk to you like this. Not so long after that, Odo died too, and Kira changed. She was insane, I think. I had never seen anyone that cold. She began talking about joining the war, and Benjamin decided to go with her, and help her. When it was suggested they start a campaign here, they did. During that time, he and Kira married. He always used to tease her about her married name, Kira Nerys Sisko. I guess she couldn't give up her old name, and that way, she could also honor human tradition. Well, they eventually got a divorce, and he left for Earth. They offered him a nice, cushy job as an admiral. But I think your death took its toll. He had a lot of trouble accepting me at first. I think he loved you a little." Lenzar grinned softly.

"He would make a wonderful Trill. Did you know that?" Jadzia spoke quietly, afraid of telling this to one of her people. Many would consider it sacrilege. But she suspected that Lenzar wouldn't. "I've often thought that. He has a way of looking at things that speaks well for him." Lenzar nodded, agreeing with her. There was something about this woman that spoke volumes to him. He couldn't quite put his finger on it, but he felt comfortable with her. Most likely, it was the symbiont nestled inside both of them. But he wasn't entirely sure of that.

"I know what you mean. In many ways, I think Kira would make a good Trill, too. But then she says something totally off the wall, and I'm forced to reevaluate my original opinion." Lenzar's joke fell a little flat but Jadzia smiled. "But I know what you mean about Ben. He'd make a really good Trill. It's his presence. He just commands respect, like a lot of the Trill on the Symbiosis Commission." Jadzia nodded, and her smile turned into a grin.

"You're right, Lenzar." She placed a hand over his, and he looked up in surprise. He stared at her oddly for a few minutes before pulling away.

"I think that we should be getting back to the program, Jadzia." And he disappeared, leaving Jadzia curious.

***

"Jake," Arys touched his arm, trying to get his attention. "Hey! What's going on? You've been out of it for five minutes." Jake looked up from the paper he was reading, a bemused expression on his face.

"Arys, do you remember what the Voyager said when we found it? You know, about the Vidiians? Well, it turns out that they were right. Apparently, the Vidiians know that a full Klingon can resist the Phage." Arys nodded, waiting for the reason behind his interest in this. "They've asked for our help." Arys sat down abruptly.

"Jake, they've been trying to get to us since we were established. You know that. What makes you think that they aren't after our end, even though they say that they aren't. How do you know that you can trust them?"

Jake stared at her. "Arys, we have to help them. It's part of everything we believe in. What if we begged them for help, and they refused it right when we needed it the most? How would you feel?" Arys looked away, considering what he said. "I won't command anyone to help, but you might consider asking your classes to help." She nodded, and left. Seconds later, a knock came on his door. "Enter."

"Ummm, sir? I was wondering if I might talk to you for a moment." Jake nodded, motioning for the young Klingon to walk in.

"What is it, Kremm?" The Klingon looked at Jake, and sat down abruptly. Jake knew why the Klingon was so nervous around him. Ever since the Eysu had founded the University, Arys had been teaching him self-defense far beyond that of any other student. Those classes, combined with the fact that he was the Dean of the University, made almost every student nervous.

"Well, sir, I know that you're busy, so I won't take up much of your time. I just wanted to talk to you about the Vidiians."

"And what do you know about the Vidiians, Kremm?" Jake looked at the student in surprise. Kremm lifted his head, staring the Dean straight in the eye.

"Sir, I'm a doctor. Leshia believes that I'm very good, and I'd like to help with the Vidiians. I know they are suffering, and I can help. I spoke with some of the crew from the Voyager last week, and they told me what had happened with B'Elanna Torres. Sir, they need our help as much as anyone does, and we could certainly use their medical expertise in years to come. Is it honorable to just sit here and waste time when others may be dying needlessly?" Jake flinched at the rigid posture and desperation in the lad's voice. A smile slowly lit his face.

"You realize that you would have to agree to be a part of whatever experiments they chose to perform. Can you handle that, Kremm?" The Klingon doctor nodded stiffly. "All right, then. I will appoint you to go to the Vidiians. You may use your best judgment in helping them, as well as perform diplomatic duties. If you think you are up to it, then you may leave as soon as you're packed. But tell me now if you don't think you're capable of it. The Eysu doesn't like failure, and the best way to keep from failing is not to overextend yourself. Do you think you can handle it, Kremm?" Jake's eyes bored into the Klingon's, never wavering. Kremm's eyes betrayed his anxiety, but he stood up proudly.

"I can handle it, sir. I'll leave in the week." Jake nodded, and watched the boy leave, reflecting on what had just happened. As he turned back to the material on his desk, he awoke, staring into the dark.

"Well, we're helping the Vidiians, Arys. How do you manage that? You're the one who came up with the idea of the University, and suddenly, it was a reality. You were the one to start the special security training for medical personnel, and that became a big success. You always seem to get your way. What is it that you want from me? Why do you plague my dreams?" Jake sat up and grabbed his PADD. "And when did I start talking like a writer?"

He grinned softly, looking up at the ceiling before continuing his chronicle.

***

Odo and Kira walked around the station, taking in all the changes. To Kira, they did not look very different, but Odo was amazed at the changes. He stared at the people walking in and out of Quark's Bar. He observed those who ran his office. And most importantly, he watched Kira, trying to figure her out. She walked beside him, seeming comfortable in his presence, although he knew that it must upset her. "Where are you taking me, Colonel?" 

Kira looked up at him, a sad smile on her lips. "Odo, why can't you call me Nerys?" 

Odo stared at her in shock. Twice now, he had been asked to call people by names other than titles. It left him a bit confused and disoriented. "I'm not sure that would be such a good idea, Colonel. After all, I'm not the constable you once knew." 

Kira shook her head, denying his statement. "Why can't you open up to me?" 

Odo turned away from her, walking away quickly. Kira stared after him, but he quickly outdistanced her in the crowd, and she was forced to give up. When he finally looked up, he found himself outside Dax's quarters. Without pausing to think, he signaled the door to open.

When he walked in, he found Dax lying on the couch they had provided for her, staring up at the ceiling. She turned toward him, a smile lighting up her face. "Odo!" she said in surprise, and he looked at her. When he didn't answer, she moved away from the couch, going over to him in concern. "What is it, Odo? Is it something to do with Kira?" He glanced up sharply, then lowered himself to a seat.

"So you know. I wondered." He faced her, watching her expression turn to one of compassion.

"I have Curzon's memories of what it was like to be you. A lot of that includes your memories. I know you considered my relationship with Curzon rather close to home. Talk to me, Odo. Tell me how I can help." Odo stared at this woman he had considered a friend. She was too compassionate, too caring. A small smile touched his lips as he thought of another female, one he could wish he was discussing this with.

"As you know, I . . . care for Kira . . . ."

***

"Admiral Sisko, there is an incoming subspace message for you." Jake nodded, sighing. He wasn't sure if he was up to another diplomatic conversation.

"Reroute it to my private quarters." He looked around the room, smiling slightly. His "private quarters" barely looked lived in. In the last few years, he had been granted little time in them, instead living on a variety of Eysu ships, or on occasion in the Alpha Quadrant visiting his family and friends there. And he never saw any of the four who had helped him create the Eysu now. There were too many chores, too many problems to spend time with them for something other than work. Sighing, he took one more glance at the sparse yet clean environment. Wiping the smile off of his face in an attempt to look serious, he touched the small pad that signaled the transmission to open. He was greeted with Katassa's radiant face, and his smile returned.

"Jake," Katassa said warmly. He thought about the small amount of time that he had spent with her especially in the last two years, and flinched slightly at that warmth. "I have news." 

Jake raised his eyebrows at that. "What type of news, oh magnificent one?" 

Katassa smiled at the teasing tone in Jake's voice. But her smile widened as she thought of the news she bore, and Jake became impatient. "Well, what is it already?"

"Jake, I'm pregnant!" She laughed a little, and Jake stared at her.

"What?! Who? Ari?" She nodded, and Jake's face lit up. "Does he know?" She grinned and nodded again.

"He's coming up to work out the details with me. I'm not sure how we're going to handle it, since we can't marry, but we'll think of something."

Jake nodded again, and the connection closed, leaving him in darkness. He stared at Shakaar's ceiling, wondering what to do. Shakaar had left for the day, and Jake was alone, he knew, but there was something there, always, teasing at the back of his mind. Just as he would figure out what it was, it would disappear. And now, he was ignoring it in an attempt to concentrate on his story. "My story. Arys would love to hear that." Jake sighed.

"Are you just a figment of my imagination, Arys? Did I hear your name and begin fantasizing? Or are you real? Could we have what we do in my dreams?" He thought about the latest dream, and grinned. "And do you know about Katassa, my love? Did you hear her good news?" Suddenly, a new thought occurred to him.

"How are you going to deal with this, Katassa? You don't have the time to spend with a child, and you can't marry. What is going to happen to Ari?" He sighed once more, and took his PADD, calling up the newest names in his desperate search for Arys.

***

"How is your visit, Commander?" Dax looked up, and saw Shakaar standing near her. With a short laugh, she looked back at the panel she was manipulating.

"Not as nice as it could be, I'm afraid. It's a little disturbing to be a ghost." Shakaar smiled.

"I imagine so. But tell me, Kira came to me somewhat upset yesterday, and I know it had something to do with Odo. Do you happen to know what went on?" Dax shook her head, refusing to give away Odo's secret. Shakaar only nodded, and turned away. Dax smiled slightly, until she saw another shadow on an intercept course with her. She looked away, but she had already seen him, and the damage was done. Her heart pounded in panic, and her breath shortened. It was unlike her to be this afraid of another person, but when that other person was Benjamin, she had always reacted strangely. As she thought, she remembered the first time she had known that he was the one to be her commanding officer. That memory brought a smile to her lips, and that was the way she greeted him.

"Hello, Old Man. How are you?" He had to have been briefed about her visit to the station. That was the only way he could be so relaxed about this. She thought this with her cynical side. 

"Benjamin. I didn't expect to see you. Last I heard, you were working on Earth. What happened?" He grinned.

"My son sent me a special message, told me that my best friend was coming to DS9, and perhaps I should, too. Since an admiral doesn't have as much of a problem getting leave on short notice as a captain does, I decided to join you and see some of the others that I missed. It was the chance of a lifetime, you might say." He stared at her, and she looked away uncomfortably. With a sigh, she smiled and filled him in on what had been happening since she had arrived. And as they talked, the years apart seemed to melt away from Benjamin, until he seemed again the young man she had known for so long.

***

Jake sat on Arys' bed, waiting for the woman to return from her workout. It was about this time that she usually walked in, and he really needed to talk to her. The time he spent working with Alpha Quadrant diplomats were beginning to take their toll. And he just needed to talk to a friend at this point. Preferably someone who wouldn't be out to get him after the usefulness of their friendship expired. 

Such a cynical nature, he thought to himself. I never used to be this way. What happened to me? But his thoughts continued, remembering the horrors of diplomacy. Why didn't I go into writing like I planned to? 

At that moment, Arys walked in, and Jake had a few seconds to admire her before she noticed him. "Jake, what are you doing here?" The voice was flat, emotionless. Jake knew by that tone that she was exhausted, mentally as well as physically. Otherwise she wouldn't be quite so cold. Just as he was about to reply, it seemed to occur to her how rude she had just been. "Oh, Jake. I'm sorry. I'm just sick of running in diplomatic circles every time I decide to show my class a new move. It's frustrating. I guess manners aren't the first things on my mind anymore." Jake smiled.

"Arys, you've proved time and time again that you can be a good hostess. You don't have to worry about it now. I promise that I'll live if you're slightly rude to me." Jake considered his options carefully. It was fairly obvious that Arys wasn't really up to company at this point. He could go see Ari or Nog, but he had really hoped to talk with Arys, wanted her soothing nature rather than Nog's joking one, or Ari's worry. Besides, Ari had enough to worry about right now with Katassa's child on the way. After a long moment, Jake stood up. "I'll go now." She stopped him with a hand on his shoulder.

"You had to have some reason for coming here. I know you. None of us has any time to just drop by without reason, especially not you. So spill it. What's wrong?" Jake looked down, and Arys nodded. Without a word, she retrieved two sets of sheets from the cabinet and ushered him out into the living room. One set she tossed to Jake.

"You make up that couch, I'll make up this one. How does that sound?" Jake realized in that moment how remiss he'd been in his friendship. He barely saw her outside of his duties now, and she was still willing to let him stay over when he was upset, although they both knew she was just as exhausted as he. He did as she said, unable to look her in the eyes. 

When they were both done, she looked at him in amusement, before laying down on the couch she had made. At her command the lights dimmed, and they lay there in each other's company, neither one able to sleep. Finally, Arys spoke. "What's your favorite race?"

"Huh?" Jake asked, and Arys repeated her question.

"What's your favorite race? C'mon, Jake. This is a baby question." When she stopped speaking, he tried to puzzle out what she meant. Finally, he gave up.

"What are you talking about?"

"Look, Jake. It's my guess that you came here because you wanted someone to talk to." He agreed. "And I also think that you don't want to talk about whatever it is that's upsetting you, else you would already be talking. Right?" Once more, he agreed. "So answer my question. That way, we can chat and you don't have to talk about anything you don't want to. Sound good?" Jake thought to himself, then grinned.

"Bajorans." That should keep her quiet. But it didn't.

"Oh. I rather like humans, myself." He could feel her grin. "Your turn. Think up a baby question."

Jake looked into the darkness blankly. "What constitutes a baby question, Arys?" He was surprised to hear a soft chuckle.

"Any question that can be answered pretty easily. The levels go: baby, toddler, child, adolescent, adult, wise." He laughed at the last one.

"Wise doesn't seem to fit. Where did you come up with the game, Arys?" That earned him another soft chuckle.

"When we were in the Resistance, we would have to pass the time somehow. My friends and I would ask each other these questions. Usually, it would go around once for each level. The hardest ones are the wise ones. We never made it past the first one of those. Well? What's your question?" He grinned.

"That was it. What was the wise one you never answered?" He could feel the tears in her eyes as she thought back to that time.

"Not yet. First, you have to answer the other levels. Okay, here's your toddler question. What did you want to be when you grew up? I mean, other than a StarFleet officer." It was Jake's turn to chuckle.

"Actually, there's only been one other thing. I've always wondered what my life would have been like if I had actually taken that fellowship to Pennington. I wanted to be a writer. You?"

Arys pondered the question for a while, then sighed. "An adult. I wasn't sure if I was going to make it to be whatever it was I could think of, so I didn't really plan. I was pretty lucky to get accepted into StarFleet, I guess." Jake swallowed, wondering what he would have been like if he had never met this woman. He shivered slightly.

"My turn? Hmmm." Jake thought a minute. "Who did you most admire when you were growing up?" Arys sighed.

"The Shakaar resistance cell. They did such amazing things while we were fighting the Cardassians, everyone admired them." Jake thought a moment longer.

"I'd have to say the crew of the Enterprise. Even though I wanted to write more than I wanted to explore space, they always did such amazing things. You've heard at least some of it." Arys nodded, knowing that her friend couldn't see her. She thought for a long time before she came up with the next question.

"Have you ever hated your parents?" That was a hard question for Jake, who was close to his parents.

"Yes." The word was soft, and for a while, Arys didn't think he was going to elaborate. But he finally did. "When Mom died, I hated her for leaving us. I couldn't understand at first that she wasn't going to come back, even though I knew what death was. I refused to accept the fact that she was gone. And then, when Dad made us leave Earth for DS9, I hated him. I thought he was just giving up on Mom's memory. I know better now. But for a while, it was hard." Arys could picture that young boy, furious with his parents for changing his life so drastically, and it was all she could do to keep the tears silent.

"It was when I found out that my parents had died in the prison camps. I guess it was mostly for the same reasons. Here, I had dedicated my life to freeing them, and they just gave up. I hated them. It took Paq Erun a good two years to make me understand." The silence stretched out between them, each imagining the other. Finally, Jake spoke.

"What's your favorite childhood story? One about you, not about someone else." Arys nodded. Her eyes were closing slowly. She had become accustomed to another person in the room, and she was once more exhausted. But she knew that Jake needed this, so she resolved to talk to him until one of them fell asleep.

"I was about seven, and I had already joined the Paq. It was on this particular raid, and I was supposed to stay out of trouble. They didn't need someone able to wiggle through the tight spots. Well, there I was, hiding in the shadows, when this tiny Cardassian came careening around the corner. I knew that the Cardassians were bad, but I was thinking that maybe the tiny ones weren't as bad. So I grabbed the little one . . . it was a boy . . . and I hissed at him to keep quiet. He did, and pretty soon, this older Cardassian came around the corner looking for him. The older Cardassian went past, and when he was out of earshot, the young boy turned to me. He grinned and suggested we go play. I asked him why he'd been running, and he said something about teachers. Well, we got to talking, and I didn't give anything away, but I made a friend that day. We met three or four times after that, even though we never knew each other's names. Funny, isn't it? I could kill Cardassians without a second thought, and I made friends with one."

Jake smiled at the image that came to him. He could see her laughing with a young Cardassian. His mind wandered back to his favorite memory. He began to speak, forming his words carefully. "When I was little, my father would make all of our dinners. He always said that it was because his father would want him to, but I went to all of my friends' houses, and their mothers would make them dinner. And I wondered why Mom didn't do this for us. Finally, one day, I came home and found Mom in the kitchen. She was standing over a pot and there was this really funny smell throughout the house. When I asked her what it was, she just said dinner. I was thrilled. I thought she had finally decided to be as nice as everyone else. Well, Dad came in really late, and we all sat down at the table. He smiled at my mother, and then lifted his fork and took a bite of the dinner. Encouraged, the rest of us did, too. Dad was the only one who managed to keep his cool. He never said a word, never even changed expression as he ate the meal. My mother sighed and pushed it away. I couldn't even eat it. It was absolutely the worst thing I have ever tasted, and that includes field rations. After that day, I was always glad that my dad made all of our meals." Jake caught Arys' expression in the pale light from the stars outside. He could barely make out the confusion written in her face. "I've always liked that memory because my dad was so calm. I've always wanted to be that calm in the face of crises." Jake heard the soft chuckle coming from the other side of the room. "What?"

"Jake, do you have any idea of how calm you are? Hell, half of the time, the only people who can read your reactions are Ari, Nog, Katassa, and I. Everyone else thinks that you don't care about things in the middle of crises. You're the most dispassionate person I've ever met. You're worse than a Vulcan, they say. Did you know that? Did you *know* they call you Vulcan Sisko behind your back?" Jake laughed aloud.

"Arys? I've got a good one. Can I go first this time?" Arys nodded, and Jake grinned softly. "Has there ever been anything in your life that you've wanted to change?" Arys thought for a long time, not sure how to answer.

Finally, she spoke. "Yes. I wish that I had never agreed to go into the SSTF. So many things would be different now, if I hadn't. I know how much you wanted to be a StarFleet officer, and because of the SSTF, you aren't one. And nobody else in our group is, either. I'm so sorry." Jake stared at the vague outline of her form. He could barely make out details in that dim light, but he could see how truly sorry she was. He swallowed.

"Arys, I don't regret a moment of it, save one. I wish there had been some way to keep you from being so abused in there. In a way, I'm very glad it happened, because I think my life is better for it. But you are all under my command. You were, I think, from the moment we became a group. Somehow, I was elected the leader and you've all followed me. That makes me responsible for your well-being, moreso than anyone else. And the fact that I let you down, that I didn't do anything for so long . . . I failed you, Arys. I'm sorry." Jake examined his feelings in wonder. He hadn't known he even felt that way. He lay there a long time, thinking about what he had just said, and what it meant to those he had served with for so long. And he felt himself drifting toward sleep even as he thought about it. 

"Who was your first crush on?" The question was sleepy, as though Arys was half asleep. And he realized with some chagrin that she probably was. He was, certainly, and he knew that she had been exhausted upon her arrival. So it followed . . . .

"Ummm, Marta. She was a Dabo girl in Quark's. She started flirting with me one day, and we really hit it off. After that, we just started seeing each other. And finally, my dad invited her over to dinner, and she charmed her way into his heart as well." Arys was silent for so long, Jake began to think she had fallen asleep. But finally, she answered the story.

"It sounds like you're still carrying a torch for her. Are you?" She sounded cautious, as though afraid of the answer. 

Jake smiled, thinking about how far wrong she was. "No. But she's a very good friend, and I tend to think well of my friends."

"Mmmm." It was all Arys said for a while. Finally, she answered her own question. "My first crush was on Shakaar. I met him once when my cell ran into his. We had just come off of a raid, and we were pretty well beaten. The kids got off the easiest. We only had a few minor cuts and bruises. Some of the adults had lost arms, or lives. The Shakaar cell was helping to treat us, and Shakaar himself came over to me. He treated my scraped knee as if it were just as important as one of the adults' wounds. I fell a little in love with him at that point." She trailed off, and he heard the even breathing of her sleep. She had finally succumbed, and he understood just how tired she truly was. Sighing, he stood up and silently padded into her bedroom, where he activated the viewscreen.

"Computer?" he said softly. "Erase Myran Arys' schedule for tomorrow. She is to have the day off, authorization Sisko 929." With that done, he moved back into the living room and lay down, shutting his eyes.

When he opened them, he sighed. "So, Shakaar, you've met her. Good. Maybe you'll know where she is."

   [1]: mailto:miyaka@gto.net



	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer:**

The characters of Jadzia Dax, Odo, Kira Nerys, Benjamin Sisko, Jake Sisko, Nog, and Quark, not to mention the space station Deep Space Nine are not mine, as much as I'd like them to be. Legally they belong to Paramount. The characters you don't recognize are mine, however. Hahahahaha, finally, all mine. Oh, sorry.

**Author's notes:**

This story came about from a roundtable story done between my best friend Kira and I. I really hope you enjoy it. I'd rate it PG because it does have some adult content in it, although it is tastefully done, much like the true series. The story is set somewhere in the fourth season, with fourth season spoilers. So if you haven't seen the fourth season eps. you better watch out. And not all of the fourth season is included, for those of you who want purity. 

The title comes from Ode to Intimations of Immortality from Early Recollections of Childhood, by Wordsworth. I hope you'll be able to see how it fits in with the plot. Enjoy the story, and email me if you have any comments, flames, etc. My address is [miyaka@gto.net][1]. 

**Dedication:**

I'd like to dedicate this story to my friend Kira, without whom the Eysu Moraht would never have existed, and to all of my prereaders, without whom the story would not have existed. I'd also like to dedicate it to Eloise and Jimmy Hill, two people now gone but whom the world will always treasure.

* * *

STAR TREK: DEEP SPACE NINE  
The Faith That Looks Through Death  
by Yuuki Miyaka  


Chapter 5

"So, you think that the SubGate was what pulled you into our time." Benjamin watched Jadzia, smiling. In the years he had known her, he had always trusted his instincts. Now, although what she said seemed ludicrous at the outset, he knew enough to realize that she was working with wisdom he would be a fool to ignore. But his thoughts were not only on how brilliant she was. He hadn't seen her in almost twenty-two years, and he was surprised at how beautiful she was.

"Yes, Benjamin. I realize that there are no accounts of such phenomena before, but who's to say that it can't happen. And there are no other leads to work with. I don't know what else I can come up with." Jadzia started as Kira approached the two. Benjamin's smile grew slightly, and he nodded at the colonel. He hid his anger at being interrupted well, he thought.

"Hello, Nerys. It's been a long time." 

Kira nodded and smiled at Jadzia. "Catching up on old times, you two?" 

Benjamin shook his head, and Jadzia kept her mouth shut. "Actually, we were trying to sort out all the different theories on why Jadzia and Odo are here. Do you have any ideas?" 

Kira sat down, shaking her head. Jadzia watched the two senior officers, trying to determine if there was any antagonism between the two. There didn't seem to be. Jadzia looked up, then sighed as she saw Odo coming. She had forgotten about their lunch date. 

"Hello. May I join you?" It was clear that Odo was somewhat uncomfortable in this crowd, but there was nothing Jadzia could really do. Jadzia looked around the group, remembering the past. Four people, once good friends, were now reduced to sitting together in Quark's, each trying to think of something to say. It was difficult for each of them, in their own way.

Jadzia finally broke the barrier, commenting on her previous conversation to the two newcomers. Kira and Odo listened attentively, each adding to the theory. Kira was the first. "It could have been made by the SubGate, I suppose. But isn't there some sort of theory against that, Ben?" Jadzia shivered as she heard Kira's comment. She didn't understand why the name annoyed her, but it did. Perhaps it was knowing the history, knowing that it had taken her death for the two of them to truly become close. But a small voice inside her head whispered that the real reason was far from being that chaste.

Benjamin nodded slowly, letting Kira's statement sink in, and Odo threw out a thought of his own. "If it _is_ the SubGate, then wouldn't it simply be a matter of reversing the process? I mean, couldn't we be dropped off with a minimum of effort?" Kira shook her head, and Benjamin sighed.

Dax turned to Odo. "It isn't that simple, Odo. Somehow, according to Dr. Andrell, our bodies have become infused with terionic isotopes. This wouldn't be a problem, except he believes that those isotopes are keeping us anchored to this timeline." Odo nodded thoughtfully.

"I remember reading a criminal report not long ago. It seemed that some doctor was experimenting with terionic isotopes, and found a way to mutate them into a rather primitive door." Dax shook her head, as did the rest, and Odo could tell that they had no idea where the criminal element came into play. "The doctor had his research banned and kidnapped people for his experiments. When the authorities came to arrest him, he stepped into the door. No one has seen him since." Benjamin looked away, thinking.

"That sounds a little close to Henry Jekyll, doesn't it, Old Man?" Jadzia nodded, seeing the parallels. Kira only looked confused, although to her credit, she didn't seem angry about it any longer. Perhaps she was used to being left in the dark.

"Were there any speculations on where the door led, Odo?" Dax's quiet voice penetrated Odo's observations, and he looked at her in chagrin.

"There were a few. Some thought that it was a kind of temporal rift. Others considered that it might lead into some parallel universe." And his eyes widened as he considered the possibilities.

"A parallel universe, hmmm?"

***

"Dammit, Arys, are you trying to kill me?" Jake's friend glanced at him, her look cold. Jake shivered slightly, concerned. 

"I've been trying to do that for ages, oh magnificent one," she bit out, and Jake stared at her in confusion. She faced him off, preparing for her next lunge, and Jake sighed. 

"Will you talk to me, at least? Have I done something?" Arys only laughed, but that laugh sent chills up Jake's spine. He shivered slightly, imagining Arys truly angry, and backed up another step. Suddenly, a bell sounded in the distance, and each of them broke out of the set, Jake a little more warily than Arys. He didn't relax until Arys broke into a grin. 

"Well! Think the acting lessons paid off?" Jake swallowed.

"I'd say so. It looked like you were really trying to kill me there for a little while. Why were you acting like that?" Arys shook her head softly.

"C'mon, Jake. Don't be so silly. Do you honestly think your enemies won't use your feelings against you? If I were your enemy, I'd let you work yourself into a frenzy believing you'd wronged me in some way, and then I'd strike, and you wouldn't even consider that maybe it was all an act for your benefit in the first place." Jake nodded, seeing what she meant.

"So, are we still on for lunch, or are you really mad at me?" Arys laughed as she disappeared into her office. When she re-emerged, wearing a loose-fitting tunic and tight leggings, Jake swallowed. She smiled at him and motioned for him to enter. He did, by now used to the small changing room and shower her office afforded. She had requested their add-on when she took him for a student, and had conveniently placed his classes near her breaks so that they could spend time together. Even so, it seemed that he never saw her. Inevitably, he would be called away, or would have to be late to his actual class. He sighed, shedding his practice clothes and stepping into the shower. It didn't take him long to rinse away the sweat he had worked up. And he grimaced as he left the shower for the small changing room.

He had brought his dress uniform. There was a small reception he had to attend directly after lunch, one that would tell him whether or not his officers would play ambassador to the Founders. He did not want to attend that meeting.

When Arys saw the uniform he was wearing, she sighed. Going over to him, she plucked an imaginary piece of dust off of his shoulder and brushed the front of his uniform. "The ambassadorial meeting, I presume." He smiled.

"I forget how much I tell you sometimes. It's funny. You might as well be my first officer. You already are, in most ways. You're the one who accompanies me to all the functions, and you're the one who knows the most about what's going on. Who else would I appoint? Ari? He works in the shipyards, and Nog would kill me. Katassa's already got too much autonomy as it is. I don't suppose you would care to suit up for this one, too?" Arys grinned and shook her head. On an impulse, she leaned up and brushed her lips against his. The pressure was slight, but it rocked him to the core. To hide his reaction, he stepped back, straightening his shirt front once more.

"Well, are we going to eat, or not?" The question was too hearty. Jake knew that the moment it left his mouth. And he couldn't understand. Why did he feel these feelings _now_, when nothing could be done about them? He knew that she had been seeing a fellow security officer for a while now. So why? Jake closed his eyes, contemplating the stars on the back of his lids, and when he reopened them, she was gone, and he was alone in a dark room.

"A turning point, it would seem." Tomorrow was his last full day at Shakaar's. His father had yelled at him, but Jake had refused to explain, saying only that he would be home in two weeks. And two weeks it had been. "But I don't understand. Why would she kiss me like that, after seeing that damned security officer?" Jake felt restless. He knew the reason, but couldn't credit it. And instead of reaching for his PADD, he lay on his back, dreaming waking dreams about the Bajoran who was his closest ally.

***

Odo and Kira had long since retired to her quarters, and were quietly discussing the day's events. Not much of note had happened here. A few of the Founders had come to the station recently, and were in diplomatic meetings with Arys and Jake Sisko. The two seemed up to the challenge, and Odo was surprised to find his people willing to negotiate. But things had changed, and he hadn't been here to witness them. With a sigh, he turned to Kira, who was yawning. That yawn reminded him that he was also tired.

"Well, Colonel, I think perhaps I should leave. It's time for me to return." The rest was left unsaid. There was no bucket now, she knew. But he still felt uncomfortable talking about it to her.

"Odo?" The near-silent query stopped him. "Do you think that perhaps you would consider staying here?" He gaped, staring at her in total shock. And she looked away. "I've been having nightmares recently, and I thought perhaps if you were in the other room, they might stop." He came closer to her, wondering what the nightmares had been about.

"You didn't tell me you were having nightmares." She shrugged, and he realized what she was doing. "You aren't having nightmares at all, are you?" She sighed. "Why are you lying to me, Colonel?" He was angry. The Kira he knew had only lied to him once, and that alone had nearly destroyed his faith in her. The fact that this one could do it so casually frightened him.

"I have been having them." At his look of doubt, she continued. "But I . . . doubt that your presence would affect them. They're about the war."

"Then my presence might antagonize them, if anything." She nodded, and he stared at her in confusion. "Why, Kira? Why did you ask me to stay, then?" Her face became hard, cold, and at the same time, tears filled her eyes, making her appear totally vulnerable.

"Is it so impossible to believe that I might want you to stay, for my own piece of mind? I know you're not him. Every moment I tell myself that you and _my_ Odo are not the same person. But what am I supposed to do? Wonder? Why the hell did you come back into my life? To tease me? To show me what I don't have, and never can? Damn you!" She reared back and slapped him, her hand connecting with his cheek and going through it. It didn't even faze her. She sank down onto her couch, tears slipping down her face, and Odo realized just how much his presence had already cost her. 

He folded onto the couch beside her, and slipped a hand under her chin. Without thinking, his long fingers traced her cheeks, wiping away all signs of her tears, before her lips met his. His eyes opened in brief surprise, before he allowed himself to give into her simple ministrations. 

Neither one left the chamber for hours.

***

Jake watched the viewscreen, waiting for a response. When none came, he sighed and turned away, wondering where the admiral was. He was rewarded with Ari's appearance in his doorway moments later.

"Jake, do you have a moment?" 

Jake looked up in surprise. "I just tried to contact you. I need to talk to you about something." 

Ari grinned slowly. "Well, my friend? What did you need to talk to me about?" 

Jake sighed. "You first. You probably have more of a reason, seeing as how you actually left the shipyards to come here." 

Ari's grin faded, and he regarded his old friend with grim composure. "It's about Katassa. I'm sure that by now you've heard our news. But I need to talk to you about arrangements for the child." Jake smiled softly. He understood just what Ari was getting at. "I can't marry her, Jake. She might need to make a marriage of alliance. But I won't give up what we have just because of that.

"The problem is, we don't know what to do about the kid. I've agreed to raise him, but I'll need substantial time off from the shipyards, and I don't know if you can afford to give me that time off." Jake's smile grew.

"Ari, I can always afford to give you time off. I don't think you've taken a _real_ vacation yet, not counting the weekends you spend with Katassa. You deserve the time off, and I know this. Besides, you've got Arys on your side. If I even suggest giving you more work, she threatens to beat me. And she has the opportunity to do it, too. She's been teaching me advanced self-defense. Any time she wants to, she can attack me in that class, and I will be powerless against her." 

Ari nodded, understanding. "That isn't the only problem, though, Jake. I love her. She knows this." Jake nodded, encouraging his friend. Ari looked away. "She's told me to find someone else."

Jake's eyebrows shot up in alarm. "Why?" he asked in a strangled tone. Although the relationship was officially none of his business, he knew the two well enough to know all of their secrets.

"She said that she doesn't have enough time for me, and I would be happier elsewhere. I need someone to help convince her that I love her." Ari stared at the ground, unable to say what he truly felt.

"I'll help, Ari. Don't worry. And if you need help taking care of that kid, you know where to look, right?" Ari nodded, one of his worries assuaged. He waited a moment. When Jake said nothing, he cleared his throat pointedly.

"Hmmm?"

"I think you had something to ask me, didn't you, Jake?"

Jake nodded, remembering. "Ari, how are you supposed to deal with women?"

Ari laughed. When Jake didn't join him, Ari regarded his friend closely. "It's Arys, isn't it?"

Jake nodded, miserably. "Yes. I'm closer to her than to anyone else. I never expected it to turn to love. At least, not that kind of love." 

"Does she know?" 

Jake shook his head. "No. I don't think she even suspects. But I can't hide from her forever."

Ari smiled mysteriously and stood up. Jake blinked, and suddenly, he was in his quarters on Deep Space Nine. It hadn't been a difficult journey back to the station, but obviously it had stirred up interesting dreams. Jake lay there, wondering what Ari would have said.

***

Odo stared up at the ceiling, unsure of what to say to the sleeping woman. He was still in her bed, having found it protected to keep him from oozing into the cushions. Interesting that she would still possess this after so long. He assumed that it was because she found it comfortable. A smile crept onto his lips. He had been around humanoids far too long. He affected their expressions even though no one was watching him. 

Kira tossed restlessly, and he stared at her. She was so soft when she slept, so like the child she had never been. As he watched, her sleepy eyes opened to regard him. She smiled when she saw what he was looking at. That smile destroyed the last of his defenses, and he was left completely open to her. "Good morning, Odo."

He suddenly remembered where he was, and why he could not stay with her. They were close to discovering a way back. Dax had told him this the night before, as the two of them spoke of the trip. "This shouldn't have happened, Colonel." 

Kira pushed herself up onto her elbows in pain. The tears ripped him open, but he said nothing, waiting for her reply.

"Why not?" Two simple words, but they hung between the couple like lead weights. Odo rose to his feet and began pacing furiously.

"I can't stay here, Colonel." His harsh words and tone infuriated her.

"Dammit, Odo, call me Nerys. We just shared more than I've shared with anyone else." She looked away in frustration. "But when you call me by my title, it's like I don't even exist to you."

Odo turned away from her, unable to express what he felt. "I . . . can't call you Nerys. And this shouldn't have happened. You don't love me, and I don't love you." He started to walk out, but stopped when he heard her small cry. Immediately, he regretted what he had said. True, she was not the Kira he had grown to love, but she was still some part of that Kira, and he had no business hurting her the way he had. He turned once more. "I'm sorry, Col . . . Kira. But you know I'm right."

She shook her head. "You're wrong, Odo. I loved you all those years ago, and I love you now. The only difference I see is that you can't bear to admit it this time." She raised her chin, determined to be strong.

He sighed, wanting more than anything to stay at her side. But he couldn't. Eventually, he pivoted and left, taking care to make the departure as quick and painless as possible.

***

Jake paced in his room, waiting for Arys. He had said nothing of the occasion, only telling her to wear a nice dress. For his part, he was dressed in his dress uniform. She often said that it complimented his eyes, so he wore it when they were going somewhere special. But pacing did not help, and eventually he got sick of it. He surveyed the room quickly, making certain that everything was absolutely perfect. It was.

The door chime sounded, and Jake swallowed reflexively. With a final tug on the front of his uniform, he went to the door, obscuring the visitor's view. It was Arys, arrayed in a deep violet gown. She looked like a visiting dignitary from a particularly rich planet, and Jake sucked in his breath. He could remember only one other time when she had looked this lovely, and he smiled slightly at the memory. Arys' eyes lit up in an answering smile, and she looked down.

"So, where are we headed?" 

Jake realized at that moment that she was still standing in the door, and he moved to usher her in. She entered the room in a motion of supreme grace, looking around in wonder. "Jake, are these your rooms? I don't recognize anything." Jake smiled once more, and she looked around at him. Suddenly, he saw the girl from all those years ago deep inside her, and had a ridiculous urge to draw her out. 

"So, Arys, would you care to dance?" He asked the question silent from all those years ago, and she nodded slowly.

"Jake, what is this? You ask me to dress in the best outfit I have, you have on your dress uniform, and your quarters look like a king got to them." She regarded him suspiciously. "If I didn't know better, I'd say you were trying to romance me."

Jake laughed at her joke, but it rang hollow in both their ears. She looked back up at him in alarm, and moved in closer to him, afraid of what he would say next.

"Arys," he began, then trailed off. Somehow, the practiced speech seemed silly in the face of this moment. He gulped, and tried again, but once more nothing came out. By this time, Arys was looking at him fearfully, and he knew he had to say something.

"Arys, we've known each other for along time now." Arys smiled, though the curvature of her lips did not reach her eyes. She nodded somberly, willing him to continue. "At least twenty years, in fact. You could say that this time has been leading up to this moment." He stopped at that, silenced by a single finger laid across his lips. Without thinking, he kissed the finger tenderly, and she drew back as though burned.

"You're leaving, aren't you? I know you've been offered a job as one of the ambassadors to the Founders. I should have known you would take it. You always hated the way they treated Odo." She turned away from him, and Jake moved to take her shoulders in his hands, his chest against her back.

"Arys, I won't leave you. I swear it. You were alone once, and you nearly died because of it. I can't do that to you again." She turned in his arms, and suddenly the two were kissing passionately. It was minutes before either could bear to break away, and when they did, they bother were breathing heavily.

Jake broke the silence, curious. "Arys, I've figured out my adult question." She regarded him for a moment before going to the table he had laid out.

"What is it?" She sank down into one of the chairs, and Jake sighed.

"Why did you stop seeing that security officer?" Arys shook her head, thinking.

"We . . . didn't work. There was nothing for either of us. If I hadn't stopped it, he would have eventually hated me. Besides, he hated the fact that we weren't equals. And I couldn't help him. I know my place, and that is as the Security Chief of the Eysu. My relationship with him couldn't change that." She trailed off, looking up at Jake and he could see the strength of the spirit within her. He smiled.

"Arys, I want to ask you the most important question I've ever asked anyone." The room grew totally silent. "Will you marry me?" He slipped a Bajoran betrothal bracelet onto her wrist, and she stared at it for long moments, unable to grasp the meaning behind it. He looked away from her, not sure of what her answer was going to be.

A trembling hand reached out and grasped his steady one, and he pulled her off of the chair and into his arms. Her body went flush against his as her arms wound sinuously around his neck, and she whispered one word before giving herself over to his kiss.

"Yes . . . ."

***

Dr. Andrell's office was filled with people. He sat before them, looking at the readings of Odo and Jadzia, wondering if what they had decided was true. Finally, he spoke.

"Jadzia, Odo, you are right. You do display unnatural levels of terionic activity. These are not the levels one would expect on anyone except a subject of Dr. Trisan. But he's been gone for a good twenty years or so, so I don't really know how to credit it. Still, there are other ways you could have received a concentration this high. I've been looking over your reports, and from what I can tell, you must have passed through a cloud of the stuff. Now, all we have to do is figure out why it brought you here."

Kira, standing in a corner of the room, sighed. Odo looked over at her, wanting to offer comfort, but he could do nothing. On the other side of the room, Jadzia sat with Benjamin and Lenzar. Each of them seemed protective, but she preferred to deal with the problem on her own. There was no telling where this could lead to, and she didn't want to drag either of them in more than she had to. But she did appreciate their compassion.

"I've been trying to trace the levels back, and they seemed to have originated in the Delta Quadrant. Perhaps a ship of the Eysu Moraht could take us back for further study." Jadzia's voice was quiet, but her words carried a world of meaning for everyone in the room. Odo and Kira would not see each other after he left, and Lenzar would have only this time to get to know the Jadzia he admired. Benjamin would never see his friend again. The thought nearly choked her, and she looked away from him. 

"Actually, the Eysu sent scientists to study the area you first arrived. They have discovered a cloud of the terionic isotopes we're discussing right now. But they didn't realize the significance of the discovery, so they didn't comment on it. I finally found out, thanks to a personal interview I conducted." Andrell sighed. "I thought that Admiral Sisko would have taught them better than that. The only reason I even thought to ask about the cloud was because of the unusually high readings I found in you two." He nodded at Odo and Jadzia. Each of them smiled wanly.

"Doctor, do you think it could be a door to another universe?" That was Odo, who was grasping at straws at this point. Jadzia looked up, confused.

"What do you mean, Odo? I thought that we were just in the future, not a parallel dimension." Odo shook his head.

"Certain things have been bothering me for some time now. Why was Jake in the Academy, as opposed to Pennington? How did civil war break out on Bajor? Bajor isn't stable where we come from, but it's a lot more stable than it was here." Jadzia nodded thoughtfully, and Kira looked up in surprise.

"But that means that we may not . . . ." Odo just looked at her, willing her not to complete the statement. It was Benjamin that did, though.

"That you may never fall in love. That's true, Nerys. But it's just as possible that the two of you in that timeline could marry and stay together for the rest of your life." Benjamin avoided Odo's eyes at that. They all knew that changelings lived many more years than Bajorans or humans did. "Do you really want to keep Odo from his rightful place?" Kira's eyes filled with tears, and she turned away. There was a muffled "no" from where she stood. 

Odo went to her, knowing how much she would need comfort at this point. He hesitantly touched her shoulder, expecting her to shrug him off. Instead, much to his surprise, she turned so that her face was buried in his chest. His arms came up around her shoulders tentatively, and he felt her trembling. The others each sighed, knowing how they felt about Odo and Jadzia leaving. 

The doctor finally caught everyone's attention again. "I think that you're right, Odo. There is a good possibility that you came from a parallel universe, made even more likely by the unusual readings I've been receiving from you and Commander Dax. I'll look into the matter." They nodded, and left Andrell to his work. Jadzia went with Benjamin to discuss the discoveries. Odo took Kira back to her quarters, hoping she would accept what he had to do.

***

Jake lay down on his bed, worried. He had not dreamt for the last five nights, and was wondering if the story was not to be played out. He was praying for the dream to come, to transport him to that other world where he was so happy. They had kept him from going insane in a time when so many things were going wrong. First Dax and Odo had disappeared, then he had gone to Bajor without his father's permission. Now, his father wouldn't even consider allowing him to go to Quark's without worrying. Jake could understand his father's fear, but he needed to check about Arys. He had been disappointed, but there was no help for that. He knew his father was afraid of losing Jake the way he had lost Dax and Odo. Jake prayed every day that they would return, but now he was praying even more that he would find his dreams again.

His eyes closed, and opened onto Deep Space Nine. He was in Quark's, wearing his dress uniform. He swallowed, confused. Looking around, he realized that he was in the dream again. Only the dream had changed. Now, they were on the station. Had he journeyed back in time, to a time he had missed when showing Arys around the station for the first time? Suddenly, Ari walked up, smiling, and Jake knew that he had been wrong. Ari was old, as Jake felt, which meant that there was no way he could have been back in the time he thought. And then he remembered. "She said yes."

"What?" Ari asked softly.

"I just still can't believe that Arys said yes. I never thought this day would come for us." Ari smiled a sad smile, and Jake looked away, a guilty flush darkening his cheeks. "Sorry, I guess I'm just too wrapped up in myself. Can you forgive me?" Ari shook his head gently.

"There's nothing to forgive, Jake. You're happy, and that's all any of us ever wanted. I'm glad that you and Arys will be married. But it took long enough." Jake looked bewildered.

"What do you mean?" Ari grinned, remembering.

"It's been obvious for ages how the two of you felt about each other. We thought that you two would pick up on it long before now, but I guess we were wrong." Jake stared at his friend.

"How long?"

"Since that dance, all those years ago." When Jake looked puzzled, Ari elaborated. "Do you remember the dance at the beginning of our second year in the Academy?" Jake looked shocked, but nodded. "Well, you spent the entire first half-hour looking for Arys, and then you looked like you were ready to die when she came in. And of course, she only had eyes for you. I tried to dance with her, if you remember, and she brushed me off. After the two of you were on the dance floor, Nog started laying odds on how long it would take for you to start dating officially. But you never did." Jake smiled.

"Trust Nog. We got too caught up in the creation of the Eysu, and the next thing we knew, we were all admirals. It took me a while to admit how I felt, too. I was afraid that the three of you would think I was playing favorites or something." Ari thought for a moment.

"Nah, but it was a worthy thought. That's why we follow you, Jake. You always think of the repercussions of your actions. I'm proud to serve under you, even moreso now that you've come to your senses. But I think we're keeping the guests waiting."

"Ari, I want you to know that I appreciate all the things you've said today." Ari just nodded, and the two moved into their respective places as groom and entourage. As Jake watched, two figures moved down the aisle. Arys smiled radiantly at her husband-to-be, seemingly unconcerned about the effect this step would have on her life. She looked dazzling in her own dress uniform, and Jake could remember the reasons she gave for wearing it. He still thought her practicality was funny. The other figure was Benjamin Sisko, Jake's father, who was giving Arys away. The couple had chosen a combination of the traditional Bajoran and Terran weddings. Mostly, it was Terran, although the vows and clothing were much closer to a Bajoran wedding. But the most impressive thing to Arys, Jake knew, was the fact that the Emissary himself had agreed to give her away. She would tell their children about it, he thought, grinning. 

Jake himself had a few doubts. He didn't want to ruin their friendship, and he knew that marriages didn't always work out. But he had been practically living with her since they had left the Academy, so perhaps it wouldn't matter. Jake shivered slightly as his bride reached his side, and together they looked at the commander of the station. It was now Kira's station, and she was doing the honors today. She smiled at each of them, and began the ceremony.

It went perfectly. Nothing untoward happened. No-one came demanding the wedding to be called off, the guests were comfortable, and the vows were exchanged without a single slip. And then came the moment Jake had been waiting for. "You may kiss the bride," Kira said, and Jake turned to Arys. She smiled up at him as his lips descended, and both sets of eyes drifted shut.

When Jake reopened his eyes, he was unsurprised to find himself staring up at his ceiling in the middle of the night. What did surprise him was the taste of her still lingering with him.

***

Odo hovered at the window, waiting for Kira to speak. He knew that they didn't have much time left, and he needed to talk to her before then. It took a while, but eventually, she turned to face him again. She watched his back for long moments, furious with herself for caring so much. Finally, she spoke.

"Odo, we need to talk. I have something you need to consider." Odo pivoted so that he was facing her.

"Yes, Colonel?" Kira shivered, and Odo amended his statement. "Yes, Kira?"

"Why don't you stay here, Odo? I could use your help, and it would be much better for you. We're on the verge of making peace with your people. You could be happy here, I know it." 

Odo just stared at her. "Kira, what are you saying? I can't stay here." 

Kira moved away from him. "Why not? Odo, you're welcome here. You know that. We could use your expertise with the station. Shakaar admires you. I know he would be happy to give you whatever position you wanted. All you have to do is say yes." Kira knew she was uncomfortably close to begging, but at the moment, she didn't care.

"Kira, why are you doing this?" It was a good question he asked. Why was she doing this? A moment's thought revealed the already-known truth to her. She loved him. She had for years, and had resigned herself to never seeing him again. But now she had an opportunity to hold him close again, and she wasn't going to lose that chance. With a small sigh, she walked over to him. One finger traced his jaw as she stared up at him in sorrow. 

"I have to," she said simply. "This is my last chance. I can't lose it. I've been alone too long not to know how important this is." She took his face in her hands, pulling him down to inches away from her own face. "I love you, Odo. Please, stay with me."

Odo pulled away. "I . . . can't, Kira. You should know that. I'm not the Odo you love, and I'm not meant to be here. If I could stay with you, I would, but it's not possible. I'm . . . sorry."

Kira turned toward the door. "I see. I'm sorry I put you on the spot like that, Odo. You can go now. I won't bother you again." Odo watched her for several minutes. She didn't move, aside from a small shivering in her shoulders. He guessed it was from tears that she didn't want him to see.

As he watched her, he realized that this was probably the last time he would see her. He guessed that she wouldn't bid him good-bye, seeing how she felt now. So he stared at her, trying to record in his memory every detail about her. Her red hair, once bright, was now peppered with grey. She stooped slightly, as though the weight of the universe had weighed upon her too heavily in the past years. Lines etched her face with cares, yet through it all, she remained beautiful to him. The sparkle was still in her eyes, he remembered from their night together.

Without thinking, he came up behind her and placed his hands on her shoulders. But to his surprise, she pulled away, and fled the room. He looked down at his hands and sighed before leaving. The door shut solidly behind him, a final knell to his dreams of staying with a loving Kira. And in his heart, he knew he had lost.

   [1]: mailto:miyaka@gto.net



	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer:**

The characters of Jadzia Dax, Odo, Kira Nerys, Benjamin Sisko, Jake Sisko, Nog, and Quark, not to mention the space station Deep Space Nine are not mine, as much as I'd like them to be. Legally they belong to Paramount. The characters you don't recognize are mine, however. Hahahahaha, finally, all mine. Oh, sorry.

**Author's notes:**

This story came about from a roundtable story done between my best friend Kira and I. I really hope you enjoy it. I'd rate it PG because it does have some adult content in it, although it is tastefully done, much like the true series. The story is set somewhere in the fourth season, with fourth season spoilers. So if you haven't seen the fourth season eps. you better watch out. And not all of the fourth season is included, for those of you who want purity. 

The title comes from Ode to Intimations of Immortality from Early Recollections of Childhood, by Wordsworth. I hope you'll be able to see how it fits in with the plot. Enjoy the story, and email me if you have any comments, flames, etc. My address is [miyaka@gto.net][1]. 

**Dedication:**

I'd like to dedicate this story to my friend Kira, without whom the Eysu Moraht would never have existed, and to all of my prereaders, without whom the story would not have existed. I'd also like to dedicate it to Eloise and Jimmy Hill, two people now gone but whom the world will always treasure.

* * *

STAR TREK: DEEP SPACE NINE  
The Faith That Looks Through Death  
by Yuuki Miyaka  


Chapter 6

Jadzia paced around the room, waiting for Lenzar to speak. It was quite a while before he did. "Jadzia? Stop it. You're making me more nervous than I should be." The female Trill smiled softly. Her eyes seemed very sad to the younger man, though.

"It was good to know you, Lenzar. I'm glad Dax is left in such capable hands." 

Lenzar nodded thoughtfully, then realized something. "I don't know how I would have coped if it had been me. I can't imagine going into a different future and finding out such horrible news." Jadzia smiled once more and touched his cheek. To her surprise, Lenzar blushed and looked away. "You know, it's kind of difficult to remember that you're me, in a way. You're so beautiful." 

Jadzia's eyes widened, and she backed up a step, unsure of how to react. "What do you mean?"

Lenzar sighed, turning away. "When I first met you, in my zhian'tara, I knew that we would have been good friends if you had been alive. But as it was, I had to make do with my memories of life as you. It was strange to me to care for someone I could never meet, could never see." Jadzia turned away, reminded of another loved one. One who hadn't been able to admit his love until after his death. "Now, I've had the chance to get to know you, and I will treasure this for the rest of my life. It's been an amazing week for me. And I don't want it to end." He stared out of his window at the opening wormhole. His eyes closed briefly, and Jadzia remembered that it was customary to make a wish.

"I can't stay, Lenzar. I thought you knew that. It wouldn't be fair to either of us if I did. I care for you. That's certain. I know my replacement now. I'll never be afraid for Dax again. But I have to go back to my home. It would change the timeline too much to stay here, even if it wasn't my timeline. I'm terribly afraid that the changes we've already made will mess up your future." Jadzia looked away, tears pooling in her eyes.

Lenzar nodded. "I knew it up here." He pointed to his head. "I guess I just didn't want to believe what my mind was telling me. It's easier when I could believe that you would stay with me, that you could love me. I was watching you with Benjamin, though. Why don't you tell him how you feel?" Jadzia looked up sharply, then smiled and looked down.

"I can't, Lenzar. He still sees me as the Old Man. Even if he could separate me from Curzon, it wouldn't work. He's the captain of my space station. It would leave the two of us in some very awkward situations." Jadzia trailed off, staying silent for a few minutes, then looked up at Lenzar in amazement. "I can't believe I'm talking about this with you!" Lenzar smiled.

"Hey, look. If I can't be the great love of your life, like Julian or Benjamin, then I can at least be a friend, right?" Jadzia nodded slowly and turned to him. After a second, he was engulfed in her arms, and when she pulled away, there were conspicuous tears in her eyes. She smiled at the answering mist in his eyes.

"I suppose you're right . . . friend. But I have to go now. Take care, Lenzar. Dax depends on you. And so do I." Jadzia turned and walked away.

***

Jake finished up his admiral's log with surprising speed. Ever since his marriage to Arys, he had been happy to do whatever needed to be done around the Eysu. Even if he never saw anyone else, he saw her each night when he came home. Since her day was generally more stressful than his, he had set up their schedules so that she had an hour to unwind before he joined her, sometimes more. Usually, she would use that time to relax, playing soft music or sitting in silence with a cup of raktajino.

As the last word was uttered, a message came up on his screen, priority one. He groaned in frustration and opened the channel. It was a report about the situation at StarFleet Academy. Jake smiled, reading on. Two weeks ago, Nog had been asked to join StarFleet Academy to help a class. They were working with warp cores. Jake had kept up on the latest news, knowing that Nog was giving it his all. He smiled as he read the report, until he came to the last paragraph. He stopped, rereading the paragraph two and three times before he gave up and just stared at it without comprehension. At last, he closed down the channel and left the room, never saying a word.

When he finally got to his quarters, he walked in to see Arys smiling. "Hello, Jake. I'm so glad you're . . . home?" She trailed off, watching him in curiosity.

"Arys, Nog's dead." The words were flat. He couldn't summon the energy or the emotions to react right now. Later, he would. Later, he would grieve, screaming and crying for the lost friend. But now, the wound was raw and he was shocky.

"What do you mean, Nog's dead?" Arys shook her head. "He can't be. He's teaching a class at the Academy. I would've heard something!" Jake smiled softly, sadly. The emotions were starting to kick in now. A few more minutes, and he would be useless. Better to tell her before he became a blubbering idiot.

"He was showing his class how to dismantle a warp core engine when there was a breach in the matter/antimatter containment field. He managed to hold it long enough for all but one of the cadets to get out, but he couldn't make it. I'm so sorry, my dear." She drew in a shocked breath, and lapsed into silence. He wanted to scream, but couldn't seem to draw the breath. He felt like he was suffocating.

"No." The word was whispered, drawn through the tight lips of his wife. "He can't be dead." Finally, some air reached his lungs. He drew an experimental breath, then another calming one. He had to tend his wife now. After she was done, he could do his grieving, but in this one area she was the weak one. And he spent his time comforting her.

When they were quiet hours later, they sat together on the couch, remembering good times. "There was that time on Risa." Arys offered one of her own memories up to his inspection. He smiled. The smile never reached his eyes. He doubted if any smile ever would.

"I didn't think he paid much attention to any of us there. I guess I was wrong." Arys shook her head. "What do you mean?"

"It was another time. When we were dating. He and I spent a week on Risa. It was an amazing time. I learned quite a bit about Ferengi anatomy." She smiled.

"I didn't know the two of you dated." Jake stared at her, disbelieving.

"It wasn't a very open subject. It happened the year after you became admiral of the Eysu. You were so busy trying to figure out what and where to do everything that you lost track of the outside world for a while. Nog and I started dating, but about six months later decided that it couldn't work out between us and called it off. It wasn't difficult to do, and we remained the best of friends afterwards. I always felt really lucky to know him in that way. Despite the rumors, few people ever did."

Jake smiled. Quiet amusement replaced a bit of the grief he felt. He supposed that he should be upset at the thought of his wife knowing his best friend that way, but somehow he couldn't mind. Perhaps it was because it had happened before the two of them acknowledged their love, perhaps it was because of the fact that the two involved were Arys and Nog. No matter what way you put it, though, he only felt pleasure and relief at the thought. He knew that Nog had taken good care of Arys. And he was reminded of his first meeting with Arys. 

*"That way, Nog can learn how to act when a lady is present."* If he had known then what he knew now, he would never have said that remark. But he had to smile at the witticism he had made. Arys murmured quietly, and Jake pulled her into his arms, drawing on the dregs of his strength to hold her together. Soon enough, she would do the same for him. His eyes drifted shut from exhaustion, then opened with shock. 

"I saw your death, Nog." He whispered the words into the room, shivering. Instead of his usual activities of writing or thinking, he turned over so that his face pressed into the pillow and cried desperately, wanting Arys with him to comfort him as he had comforted her. 

***

Jadzia paced outside of the room, unsure of whether to signal the door. Finally, she raised a hand, and the door opened before she could do more. She found herself looking straight at Benjamin, and she swallowed. Benjamin smiled, ushering her in with little more than a nod.

She settled on the couch, knowing it would be useless to flit about the room. Benjamin watched her for long moments before taking a seat himself. Finally, he spoke.

"I know why you're here. You wanted to say good-bye. I'm glad you did. I never got the chance to tell Jadzia good-bye before." The Trill glanced at him, confused.

"What do you mean, Ben? Surely at Lenzar's zhian'tara . . . " She trailed off, not wanting to say that she died. Benjamin nodded slowly, also reluctant.

"I know. You would expect to have said good-bye to me then, but I was away at the time. I couldn't watch, and besides, I had a fight to fight. We asked Phillips to host Curzon's body, and this time Eddington was Jeran. It was a good zhian'tara, Lenzar told me later. But I couldn't be there to witness it. Not again." Jadzia agreed quietly.

"Why not? I mean, I can understand that you couldn't, but why? I don't understand." Benjamin looked away.

"I missed you too much. I think I loved you a little. And when you died, it hurt me. I felt like you left me behind, once as Curzon and once as Jadzia. I didn't want to feel that way again, so I took off, fighting in the war rather than risking loving another host of Dax's."

Jadzia stood up, pacing around the room. Although she had understood the futility of it before, she had to do something. For a long time, Benjamin just let her, wanting to work out for himself all the reasons behind his fears. But after all of that was done, he stood up, going to the window she had finally rested in, and touching her shoulder softly. She turned at his touch, and the two were suddenly in each other's arms. 

With a cry borne partly of sadness and partly of relief, her lips met his. The kiss lasted only a few seconds, although it seemed like minutes, hours. But Jadzia pulled back, touching her lips with her fingers, and Benjamin looked away in chagrin.

"That should not have happened, Old Man." Jadzia nodded, knowing that nothing she said now could make it right between them. She bowed her head rather than look in his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Ben. You're right. It shouldn't have happened. But I don't regret it. I may never get that opportunity in my timeline. Now I know what it feels like to kiss you. It's not much, but it will keep me. Less kept Curzon." A smile touched their lips, then moved up into their eyes. "Take care of yourself, Ben. And don't let Lenzar run all over you the way I did." She touched his chin once, then walked out of the room, and Benjamin realized that he never had said the word "good-bye."

***

Jake stared at the monitor, wondering what could possibly be important enough not to wait until after he went through the SubGate. But he sighed and looked at the helmsman. "Wait until my mark to open the SubGate. Comm, put the transmission through." Both positions nodded and set to work. Within moments, he was watching Arys' face.

"Jake, I thought you should know that there was a crisis in the shipyards today. Seven bodies were found near the sight of the bomb's blast. One of the seven was Ari, Jake." Arys' eyes filled with tears at the mention of her friend's death. Jake merely stared at her in shock, unable to comprehend the fact that another of his best friends were dead. Two now, within a month of each other. How could he deal with this?

"We're investigating the situation right now, Jake, and I should have some answers for you by the time you get home. Take care of yourself. I don't want you to die, too." Jake nodded.

"Sisko out." The transmission closed on Jake's end, leaving him alone with his thoughts. "Open the SubGate now, helm. We'll get this over with as soon as possible." The helmsman's fingers flew over the controls, keying in the commands and coordinates with surprising ease. When it was done with, Jake motioned for them to take the Kumsahmi through the opening. Five seconds into the trip, something happened. All Jake saw was a blinding white, and then . . . 

He awoke, knowing that he had just died. Sweat poured down his face and body, making his pajamas sticky and wet. They clung to him as he moved out of the bed around the room.

"I'm dead. Arys, you were right. I died. I'm dead." It was a mantra. He repeated the words over and over without thought, huddling in a corner of his room. Nothing could help him now.

***

Odo walked through the Promenade of New Bajor, knowing that there was nothing left here for him. Quark had gone soft, and Kira was too tempting for him to remain here. When he looked around now, he saw the ravages of a war that had nearly destroyed the woman he loved. And he could not bear that. So he was leaving.

He approached the airlock, and saw a Bajoran standing in the tunnel, waiting. It took less than a moment to identify the Bajoran as Kira. "Colonel?" he called out, unsure of what to say. The woman turned to Odo, and walked up to him.

"Call me Nerys. Just once, say it. Please, Odo." Her dark eyes pleaded with him. He had never been able to tell her no, not even when it had been in their best interest. Especially not when she looked at him with those wide, empty eyes. The moment he looked into those, he was lost, without reason.

"N-nerys." The word was much more difficult to say than he had imagined it would be. In private, the word rolled off of his tongue with liquid grace. But now, faced with the reality, it was a choppy word, and he could not force his mouth to say it fluently. She touched his arm, the only good-bye she could give him, and walked off, satisfied. In the end, she had won. In that small word, he had admitted that he was helpless against his feelings, and that he loved her more than she would ever dream. It was enough, after all.

***

Benjamin looked up from the story he was reading, staring at his son with amazement. "This is impressive, Jake. How did you come up with the idea?" Jake smiled sadly.

"It came to me one night, and I haven't been able to leave it alone. It kind of took me over, wanting me to finish it." Benjamin smiled, not noticing how miserable his son was.

"Jake, I'm amazed. You've done a wonderful job with this. Now, you said that you had something to tell me after I read this." Jake nodded.

"Yeah. I wanted to let you know that I was going to take that fellowship to Pennington as soon as they have an opening. I need to get away from here. There's too much that reminds me of . . . that story." Jake paused, taking in his father's surprised face. "You do understand, don't you, Dad? I still love you. I just need to get away for a while." Benjamin nodded his agreement, not knowing quite what to say in the face of his son's declaration.

Finally, he spoke once more. "You'll do a great job, I'm sure, Jake. Make this old man proud of you. I know that you'll be one of the best." Jake smiled. Those words meant as much to him as Arys' praise in his dreams. And he knew that his father meant them with all of his heart. He couldn't bear to watch his father's face as he left the room. There was too much still to be said.

***

Dax and Odo looked around the airlock in wonder. The station seemed beautiful to them now, after seeing the way it had wilted in the future. Dax looked over at Odo and smiled. "Congratulations, Odo. You won. It was an alternate universe as near as they could tell. One of the scientists told me right before we left." But her eyes seemed haunted as she said the words.

Odo grunted a reply, having gone back to his gruff self the moment they had verified their exact position. Dax let it pass, knowing that the trip had affected him a lot more than she had ever dreamed he could be. She'd known he loved Kira, but it must have been hard, she thought, to leave behind a woman who loved him as much as he loved her. And she had no doubt that he loved her. But she also knew that this Kira needed him more than that one did, even if she would never admit it.

She remembered the greeting they had received from this universe. Unsuprisingly, Ben and Kira were both anxious. Kira had suggested to Odo that they spend time together that evening, but he told her to make plans with the First Minister, that he was tired. And Dax was sure that he was telling the truth. He was tired. He had to be. She was exhausted emotionally, and this trip had been even more difficult for him, he had no doubt. 

Dax was startled to hear a cough at the end of the tunnel. She looked up, straight into the eyes of Benjamin and Jake Sisko. The Trill swallowed and held their gaze, not wanting to give anything away, although she could hear Lenzar's words in her head. *"Why don't you tell him how you feel?"* And she walked toward the captain of the station deliberately.

"Hello, Ben." Those were the only words she said, but suddenly she was engulfed in a pair of arms. Tears sprang to her eyes, and she smiled softly. "Sorry we got back so late. It was nothing special. I'll explain later." The three of them walked off, Jake listening to the two others talk and wondering about where they had been.

Odo, meanwhile, started to walk off in the other direction, only to be brought up short when he saw Kira walking with Shakaar down the corridor. As Shakaar looked up, a sad expression crossed his face. He nodded slightly at the changeling, though Kira didn't notice. She was chattering excitedly at her lover. Odo nodded back, then walked to his room. When he got there, he slid into a puddle on the floor, remembering the six words which always haunted him.

*"She'll never love you, you know . . ."*

   [1]: mailto:miyaka@gto.net



	7. Epilogue

**Disclaimer:**

The characters of Jadzia Dax, Odo, Kira Nerys, Benjamin Sisko, Jake Sisko, Nog, and Quark, not to mention the space station Deep Space Nine are not mine, as much as I'd like them to be. Legally they belong to Paramount. The characters you don't recognize are mine, however. Hahahahaha, finally, all mine. Oh, sorry.

**Author's notes:**

This story came about from a roundtable story done between my best friend Kira and I. I really hope you enjoy it. I'd rate it PG because it does have some adult content in it, although it is tastefully done, much like the true series. The story is set somewhere in the fourth season, with fourth season spoilers. So if you haven't seen the fourth season eps. you better watch out. And not all of the fourth season is included, for those of you who want purity. 

The title comes from Ode to Intimations of Immortality from Early Recollections of Childhood, by Wordsworth. I hope you'll be able to see how it fits in with the plot. Enjoy the story, and email me if you have any comments, flames, etc. My address is [miyaka@gto.net][1]. 

**Dedication:**

I'd like to dedicate this story to my friend Kira, without whom the Eysu Moraht would never have existed, and to all of my prereaders, without whom the story would not have existed. I'd also like to dedicate it to Eloise and Jimmy Hill, two people now gone but whom the world will always treasure.

* * *

STAR TREK: DEEP SPACE NINE  
The Faith That Looks Through Death  
by Yuuki Miyaka  


Epilogue

Jake looked around the party, wanting to remember every single detail. After receiving the Guarma Award for Best Literature, he had wanted nothing more than a quiet celebration with his best friends. But it had quickly turned into a three-ring circus, and he couldn't very well blame his father. As he walked to the refreshment bar, he was greeted with Ziyal Dukat. His smile widened as she approached him. She was extremely beautiful tonight, he noted, and her status as Cardassia/Bajor mediator made her welcome to any of his parties. He always invited her, knowing that she would keep any overly sensitive members of either race in check. 

"Hello, Ziyal."

"Jake." Ziyal smiled at him, and for a moment Jake had an vision of another Bajoran. A full one, one he loved. After twenty years, he still hadn't forgotten her. He snapped back to the present to hear Ziyal's voice continuing. "I must say, I was very impressed when I read The Alliance Of Hope. You deserved the award, Jake, better than any of the others nominated. I'm glad the judges agreed with me." Jake nodded, extricating himself from her conversation and going to another corner, where his father sat with Dax, Odo, and Kira. He had heard that same speech too many times tonight.

"How's it going, guys?" Odo grunted, and Kira smiled.

"It's a wonderful party, Jake. Thanks for inviting us." Jake just laughed.

Dax touched him on the arm. "You really ought to write a sequel, you know. Let us know what happened to Arys, whether she lived or not."

Jake smiled softly, the pain dulled by the passage of twenty years. "If I ever find out, I'll let you know. But I'm surprised you're so interested, Dax. I never expected you to enjoy the story as much as you do."

Dax grinned at him. "Let's just say that it reminds me of an old memory." Odo nodded at her, remembering the time for himself. Neither had ever explained where they had been, much to StarFleet's distress. Now, the passage of twenty years had dulled their own pain as well as Jake's, and they could remember it without wanting to go back.

Kira raised a glass of champagne. They had every type of food known to the universe in this party, in deference to Jake's vision of the future. He grinned softly, then allowed her to toast him. As he did, he noticed a familiar shadow moving towards the door, and excused himself, not sure why he was pursuing the person.

***

Dax looked at her friends, knowing that they were all happy, save one. "It's amazing how far Jake has come, isn't it, Ben?" With the fear of civil war behind them, Odo and Dax had proceeded on with their lives in blissful happiness. The station had remained in the hands of the Federation, much to the disappointment of the Founders, but there was no destruction of Bajor. 

Now, years later, Dax still remembered the time she had spent in that alternate universe. She had come to terms with a lot of her feelings, but had never been able to do so here. Benjamin remained nothing more than her best friend, and she had to be satisfied with that. As for Julian, he hadn't followed her around for some time. In fact, she hadn't heard from him in five years before this party. He was holed up in a far corner with a beautiful writer. His taste in women, she saw, hadn't changed. Ziyal walked up, and sat down beside the Trill. 

"It's a nice party, isn't it?" When Kira had brought Ziyal aboard the station, Dax had offered to help out. They had quickly become good friends, and it was this friendship that Dax answered to now, though she was deep in thought.

"Yes, Ziyal. It is a good party. But then, it's a good book, too." Ziyal nodded.

"I know. Jake let me edit it for him. Do you suppose he knew any of those people?" Dax sighed, knowing that on some level, at least, Jake had known all of them. But the names were changed, she saw, and she couldn't say why he had done that. Perhaps to protect the others, should they ever be found.

"He didn't. But I was surprised at how easily he was able to describe their feelings. It's almost like he was in their heads, instead of the other way around." Ziyal nodded once more, then turned and began chatting with the others. Dax had hated lying to her that way, but there was no way she could talk about the other universe. Too many questions _must_ remain unanswered in order for this universe to remain stable.

And Dax sighed. She thought back to that time, remembering all the hopes she had felt. Hopes that she and Benjamin would become more than friends. Hopes that she could see Lenzar again. So many hopes long-past, though not forgotten. And the surprising thing was that she didn't regret the way her life _had_ turned out, despite the fact that she had gotten very little of what she had asked. Perhaps it was best, she thought now, and turned away from the dreams that had plagued her.

***

Odo watched Kira closely. He wasn't impressed with the party. All parties were the same to him; a time period when he wasn't doing his duty to the station. After all these years, he was still the chief of security on Deep Space Nine, and he still enjoyed his work. But there were times, like this one, when he wished for so much more. The Bajoran chatted with Benjamin and Dax happily, and Odo was left to his thoughts.

He had never been able to admit his feelings to Kira. At first, it had been because of Shakaar, but that excuse was wearing thin by the time she discovered the First Minister's true nature. She had turned to Odo for comfort, and he had felt it would be a betrayal of sorts to tell her how he felt. So he had kept his peace. Now, it was too late, and he knew he had been a coward to the very end. But at the same time, he knew he had made the right choice.

Kira glanced up at him, and he smiled softly at her. "What do you think, Odo?" His confused look told her he had not been listening to the conversation.

"About what?"

Kira smiled at her old friend. "About the ending of Jake's story. Do you suppose there's room for a sequel, considering?"

"Considering where he left it, you mean?" Kira nodded, as did Dax and Sisko, and Odo thought for a second. "I think it's possible. All he would have to do is change the point of view, really. Write it from Arys' point of view. After all, there's no evidence to say that she died when the rest of them did. Maybe she could find out what killed them all. I'm almost positive it was murder. I just don't know what the reason behind it was, yet." Kira smiled.

"Odo, you make it sound like this is one of your cases. It's not. It's just a story. If you want to know, just ask Jake. If there's a reason behind it, he'll know." Odo nodded, and went back to his contemplations, ignoring the rest of the conversation in favor of his dreams of Kira.

***

Jake trailed the shadow for a long moment before slipping up behind her. It was a woman, he had been able to ascertain, but more than that, he did not know. In an effort to discover more, he touched her shoulder, and the woman jumped slightly, as though surprised. When she turned, Jake sucked in a long breath. It was her . . . . 

"J-jake?" The quiet word shot through him, making him believe in the impossible as he stared at the Bajoran in front of him. 

"Is it . . . is this real?" he asked her, hardly daring to hope. But if it wasn't, then he knew he was having another vivid dream.

"How did you know about all of that, Jake?" The woman traced his jawline with a slender hand, and he stood still. He couldn't believe he had found her after all these years of searching.

"The dreams. I . . . I had dreams years ago about the Eysu. I wrote them all down, but I wasn't sure I should publish them until now."

"You played around with them," she accused softly, not really angry.

"No. This was a first draft that I had published. I know it seemed a lot better, but the words just seemed to come to me. I never felt as though I had to change any of it."

The woman's dark eyes opened wide, and she stared at him. "That was how you felt about us? Half of the time I felt as though we were all burdens on you." Jake grinned, and pulled her into a hug.

"Of course not! The only time I ever hated anything about any of you was when I tried to research all of you. I ended up with so many deaths and dead ends that I eventually gave up. I figured that none of you existed." She smiled once more at him.

"And now that you know I, at least, exist, what are you going to do about it?" He held her face between his two hands and gazed into her eyes for long moments.

"Would you have dinner with me tomorrow night, Arys?" And he lowered his head towards hers.

* * *

**End The Faith That Looks Through Death**

**Author's notes, part 2: **

Well, it's done. I did what I could, but the story got away from me. I never intended to make it so sad. 

This is a series. Once again, it didn't start out as such, but it has ended up a series. I don't know when the other parts in the series will be posted, but each separate fanfic will be looking at the memories of one member of the founders of the Eysu Moraht. The series will be called Star Trek: Alliance of Hope. If you enjoyed this one, look for the others.

I love getting comments. Please see my address in the beginning and email me. Tell me what you thought. 

Have a good one!

If you enjoyed this story, and enjoy anime, btw, you might check out the series called Please Save My Earth. It has a similar premise, which I discovered after about four months of writing on this one.

   [1]: mailto:miyaka@gto.net



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